Most of us know an older veteran — be it father, grandfather, uncle or other family member — who may have served in World War II, the Korean War or the Vietnam War. Recently, the Veterans Administration contracted with Friendship Adult Day Services, which provides day programs for elder and dependent adults with lively activities, nutritious meals and transportation, to cover the daily fee for eligible veterans.


Harry* served in the Navy in Vietnam from 1965 until his discharge in 1971. After his diagnosis of dementia, his wife, Hannah*, cared for him on her own at home. At times, though, Harry wandered away while they were out shopping or in other public places and she became worried about her ability to carry on normal activities while caring for him. Hannah become aware of Friendship Center’s services and brought him in earlier this year to visit the center, subsequently enrolling him in the day services program. She then learned of the VA contract, and was glad to find that Harry is eligible for this benefit.

Hannah took time to talk with us about her and Harry’s experiences with Friendship Center and the VA.

Friendship Center: How do you and Harry feel about Friendship Center?

Hannah: Harry has loved going to Friendship Center from Day One. Often on his days off, he asks if he is going there. This is a man who, because of the dementia, lost all interest in shaving and hygiene, but now shaves and showers in anticipation of going there. He feels loved and accepted by the friendly, patient staff and volunteers there. He enjoys the food served and the fellowship of the other members, as well as the social activities offered. Dominos is one of his favorite games but he also likes the extra entertainment brought in. Harry feels at home there.

As for myself, it feels good leaving my husband in this safe and caring environment. This gives me a reprieve from supervising and caring for him and allows me time to rest, see my own doctors, or enjoy activities without the fear of losing him. I also know that he is being exposed to experiences and challenges that are not offered at home. Eryn and Heidi (Eryn Eckert, program/family services director, and Heidi Holly, executive director) have been such an encouragement to me with their hugs, listening ears and suggestions when new challenges have arisen.

FC: How has your experience been with the VA representatives who have helped you?

Hannah: The VA representatives have been very accessible and helpful. Harry was given a physical and his medications were evaluated. In the future we will be able to have his medications mailed to us for a reasonable co-pay. The VA has guided us step by step in acquiring the information they needed from his doctors, from Friendship Center and from us. The waiting period at the VA center has been short. His doctor there is very caring and thorough in answering our questions and directing us toward areas of help for future needs. We also have been assigned a truly special social worker to help us with other needs or questions that may arise.

FC: What difference have Friendship Center’s services made in your and Harry’s lives and those of other family members?

Hannah: Harry is happier at home now and even asks to go on walks and play UNO with us. He has more of a sense of humor now. Whenever we pick him up we ask him what he had for lunch. Invariably he will answer, “Roast beef,” and laugh. We laugh, too, because we have read the menu and know that he is only kidding with us. When we delve further, he will actually make quite an effort to remember what he ate.

When we drove by Friendship Center after running errands in Santa Barbara one day, Harry asked, “Can we stop by Friendship Center for lunch?” Surely, he has good feelings about this place. We are glad that Harry has some experiences of his own that do not include us. This is healthy for him and the rest of the family as we do not feel so tied down and stressed out.

FC: What would you do if there were no Friendship Center?

Hannah: If Friendship Center did not exist, I would feel more stressed, constantly policing him and unable to enjoy the things that make me “me,” like being my grandson’s soccer team manager, body surfing when the weather is warm and shopping without the fear of losing him, which has happened so often. Friendship Center is truly a gift to those of us who care for a loved one with dementia.

In addition to full day services, Friendship Center offers a weekly early memory loss program, Connections, adjacent to our Montecito location as well as at a new site in Goleta. Click here for more information, resources, or to take a tour of Friendship Center, or call 805.969.0859.Visit Friendship Center on Facebook.

* Names have been changed.

— Justine Sutton is Friendship Center’s grants and development coordinator.