With Thanksgiving just around the corner, the holiday season is upon us. While for many families the holidays bring celebrations, sharing and laughter, dementia caregivers may be asking themselves what to do if their loved one no longer understands the concept of the holidays.

Feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated is common among family members of people diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, especially during the holiday season.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association 2013 Facts and Figures Report, there are over 5 million Americans living with Alzheimer’s today. If you are a caregiver, realize that it is normal to feel frustrated and angry before, during and after the holidays. However, making a few modifications to the holidays can make them go rather effortlessly.


» Adjust family expectations. It is important to know the stages of Alzheimer’s and where your loved one fits into the broader picture. When the family learns about the stages of the disease, it makes for easier interaction. The main caregiver can help educate other relatives by sending an email or quick note before the holiday. Doing so can prepare the family members on how the person with Alzheimer’s is faring, giving them a chance to adapt their own behavior.

For instance, in the moderate stage, a family member can subtly remind their loved one of their name by saying, “ Hi, Mom. It’s your oldest son, William.”

In her book Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias: The Caregivers Complete Survival Guide, Nataly Rubenstein recognizes that although for families dealing with dementia the holidays may not be as they used to be in the past, they can still be just as enjoyable if the family is prepared for what to expect.

Not only adjusting your family’s expectations, but preparing the person with Alzheimer’s can also help with the stress and anxiety level of the caregiver. Talk to your loved one about the people who will be coming for a visit and include photographs of them. Play familiar holiday music. Your loved one may feel comfort in singing traditional holiday songs. During the family festivities, designate a “quiet” room to use as a retreat if you witness the person with Alzheimer’s becoming agitated or withdrawn, and have someone stay with them so that they don’t feel left out.

» Letting go of some family traditions can be helpful. Caregivers endure a lot of stress, especially during the holiday season. They may feel overwhelmed with the expectations of maintaining holiday traditions on top of caring for the person with Alzheimer’s. As a caregiver, it may be helpful to give some responsibility to other family relatives.

Hold a family meeting to consider dividing some of the caregiver’s regular tasks. Letting the family know what type of challenges the caregiver is facing can be an eye opener. Dividing up tasks can help in relieving some of the caregiver’s stress and anxiety during the holiday time. Figuring out what the priorities are during the holiday season can make giving up some traditions a little bit easier.

Don’t be afraid to say no to activities you feel are unnecessary. If your loved one has evening confusion, better known as sundowning, it may be best to change a holiday dinner into a holiday brunch or luncheon.

According to Lindsay Brennan, “Caregivers may feel overwhelmed maintaining holiday traditions while caring for their loved one, and they also hesitate to invite family and friends over to share the holiday for fear they will be uncomfortable with behavior changes in the family member.” Brennan manages the 24/7 Helpline for Massachusetts and New Hampshire.

» Lastly, enjoy what you have today. Try not to let little things bring you down. While going through the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, we tend to worry about many things that aren’t necessarily essential, and worrying wastes too much energy. Look at the big picture and appreciate the time that you have with your loved one. Taking time out for yourself as a caregiver can help with stress and anxiety. Going for a walk, meditating, practicing deep breathing, or going to the gym are very useful tools.

In conclusion, I leave you with this quote from Rubenstein: “When you know what to realistically expect, the time you spend with your loved ones this holiday season will be greatly enhanced. And remember, don’t push yourself too far or beat yourself up for not living up to how things used to be. If you remain positive and adaptable, I promise this season can still be full of celebrations to cherish.”

 — Carie Salas is an intern for the Alzheimer’s Association-California Central Chapter.