For parents starting the process of college searching, here is some perspective from a former college admission officer, and current independent college counselor. Most people go through this process once or twice, but I go through it annually.

Stellar Students and Highly Rejective Schools


You may have that student who has straight As in highly demanding classes, a plethora of extracurricular activities, leadership, volunteer experience, plays an instrument, athletics, research experience, participated in some particular school program like an engineering academy, and maybe even stellar standardized test scores.



Your child may have the “full package” and have “done everything right.” But if you only promote and apply to schools that accept fewer than 30% of their applicants, you may find yourself out in the cold come acceptance time.

You see, all the hard work your student puts in and you are emotionally connected to the situation — as you should be — you are their parent. But what you don’t see is the broader context.

Yes, at your school, your child was a standout. But what you don’t see are the 40,000 other students across the country who are also in the top 1% of their class.

There are not 40,000 spaces available at the name-brand colleges. In 2019-20, there were 27,145 public and private high schools in the U.S. alone. That’s 27,145 valedictorians. It doesn’t even include home school or international students.

Managing Expectations

As you start this journey, managing expectations will make it much easier. Talk about the reach schools that people know and want to apply to. But do yourself a favor and talk about them in terms of “that would be like winning the lottery, wouldn’t it,” then talk up the other schools that are in the target and even likely range.

Best case scenario, you are choosing from those elite brand-name schools that everybody wants. But you should also prepare for the conversation of “I’m so excited that you got into XYZ school and think you will be happy there,” so your child doesn’t feel like they’ve disappointed you or somehow failed.

A brand name does not guarantee happiness

There are phenomenal schools that are a much better fit for so many students. Let them go to graduate school at that big name, where getting in as a graduate student is often easier.

There are so many factors behind the scenes that your student can’t control. Maybe it was the year they needed more men or women, more in-state or out-of-state, or fill-in-the-blank.

Your student can do everything right and still not get the desired results. It hurts, and it’s disappointing. But it’s also a life lesson.

You are not just managing the launch of this process. You are also managing the landing. Keep both in mind for the best results.