Early decision and action results are coming in, and as usual, I hear: “I can’t believe my child didn’t get into XYZ University! They have a 4.8 GPA, straight A’s in honors courses, the sports team captain with hundreds of hours of community service, leadership, clubs and activities, music performance awards, a job, started a nonprofit, won hack-a-thon awards, is part of the robotics team, owns a small baking business, did a research institute internship, and got published! What more could they have done?”

Nothing. Your child was applying to a highly rejective college and got rejected. 

“Highly rejective colleges” is a term coined by Akil Bellow in 2021 to describe colleges that accept fewer than 20% of the applicants. In 1992, there were two colleges that fit that description. In 2023, there were 74. Twenty of those were under 10%. 

This gives the impression that getting into any college is nearly impossible, causing fear, panic, and, honestly, a great deal of unhealthy stress.

What has fueled the panic is a myth of scarcity. More than 2,600 institutions grant baccalaureate degrees in the United States alone. Yet people act as though only schools ranked in the top 50 are worth attending. That is a huge mistake.

Applying to college has changed in the last few decades, and the arrival of rankings has shaped public perception of what a “good college” is. Ironically, a good college should teach critical and analytical thinking skills that encourage people to question what some ranking system feeds you as the “right” answer.

The problem is the criteria you can’t predict or control changes from year to year. Think of it this way:

There is a contest with a big prize for the best chocolate chip cookie. Most of us will share some fundamental ingredients, chocolate chips specifically. But after that, we all make decisions to make ours THE best.

Semi-sweet, dark or milk chocolate? Brown sugar, white sugar, or agave syrup? Regular or gluten-free flour, and what kind? Eggs? Milk? Grandma’s secret ingredient?

You get the point. Each recipe will be similar but also different. Judging day comes around. The judges taste everything and crown the winner.

Many people disagree. But no one knows that this year they were looking for a recipe that included nuts. Last year, it was milk. And it will be entirely different next year. It is unpredictable.

Does that mean you won’t make Grandma’s secret recipe anymore? Of course not. It is what your family values, and the judges clearly didn’t appreciate how special it was. To heck with the judges, right?

That’s sort of what building a class is like at a highly rejective college. The measurable stats are the “science” part of the equation. Most applicants meet the advertised criteria and could do the work.

Then, like a baking recipe, the subjective “art” becomes the deciding factor. Colleges don’t want or need an entire class of debaters, athletes, musicians, or whatever. They want a balance and blend of ingredients that complement each other to meet institutional criteria. Those are the ingredients applicants can’t control.

As “Your College Bound Kid” podcasters say, “College is a match to be made, not a prize to be won.”

Live your best life, then find the place that wants you for who you are. That’s where you will thrive.