Have you heard the expression: “Conversation is a lost art?”
In this era of technology, it’s easy to see how that expression could become reality. So many people today would rather text or email as opposed to having a real conversation.
But, let’s face it, in the day-to-day of the business world, you’ll be a standout if you know how to carry on a healthy conversation. What do I mean by “healthy?”
First, it’s more important that you listen rather than talk. Most people’s favorite topic is themselves. So when you meet someone new, ask them not only what they do but ask what makes the job interesting, or difficult or challenging. Find out the outlook for that profession. Appear interested by looking into the person’s eyes and shaking your head in agreement when appropriate.
When you know you are going to meet new people, be prepared. If you are going to a business social affair, and you will be meeting with some prospective clients there, read up on their companies. Ask questions that you’ve gleaned from your research, such as, “I see the company is expanding operations. Tell me how that affects you.”
Avoid politics, sex or religion. These can be volatile topics. Better yet try to direct the conversation to topics of interest to the group with which you are seated or with whom you find yourself. For me, going to a dinner with my old event professional buddies means I will be talking events. But going to a Santa Barbara Partners in Education event will focus my conversation on students.
Watch the body language of others when you are talking. After you’ve talked for several minutes, if you notice that no one has asked questions, made comments or that they appear somewhat bored, ask a question that will induce another in the group to take over the conversation.
Never interrupt another. Never interrupt someone in midsentence. Always wait until the person who has the floor stops talking. Never ask someone if they have finished. That really comes across as rude. Avoid using such phrases as “By the way” or “Your story reminds me of …” If you do, you are interrupting the other person’s discussion and sending it off in another direction. You will appear interested only in what you have to say.
If you are the person interrupted, the best thing to do is just be quiet. Don’t try to re-introduce your train of thought later unless you are asked to do so. Let another person in the group ask you to continue your story. If you don’t get that request, perhaps you should take that as your clue that no one was really interested!
Avoid foot-in-mouth disease. The best remedy is to think before you speak. Avoid creating awkward situations like mentioning someone else’s illness in front of a friend whose parent just passed away. Don’t make judgmental statements. For instance, instead of saying “Jane Smith is an idiot.” Say, “What do you think of Jane Smith’s bid for governor?”
Don’t share too much information. Don’t be the person who pours out your life story to strangers. That reeks of desperation and makes people want to retreat as soon as possible. It’s just not cool. Don’t do it. While you are at it, don’t “nose” into others’ personal lives. Always remember to respect others’ privacy. If you want to get to know a person a bit better, offer “a little” about yourself and then see if the other person reciprocates. If not, change the subject.
When in a group, don’t just focus on one person. If you are in a group where you particularly gravitate to one person, don’t freeze out the others. You freeze out others by selecting topics of no interest or knowledge to the others in the group. If you do this, and only the one person engages and everyone else disengages, that should be your clue to bring up subjects that everyone can enjoy.
Never say “Stop me if I’ve told you this story before …” No one will. All you are doing is prolonging the many times people have heard a familiar story over and over. If you think they might have heard it, avoid it.
Never say “Am I boring you?” Another one no one will ever say “yes” to. This is the time to really watch body language and facial expressions. If they look bored, they probably are. Don’t go there.
Be Natural. You can use these rules as a guideline, not a checklist. Be yourself. Let your personality shine through. Never pretend to be someone you are not. Being polite doesn’t mean being phony.
— John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the go-to guide for good manners and job search success. Click to learn more about The Key Class, or to buy the book. Follow John on Facebook and Twitter @johnjdalyjr. Do you have an etiquette question? ASK John at johnKeyClass@gmail.com. The opinions expressed are his own.