The only way to get respect in life or in the classroom is to earn it!
Many have little understanding of how to gain respect. It isn’t gained by intimidation or from punishment for poor behavior. Respect is earned by treating others as equals.
The good news is that most people, students included, are looking for someone to believe in. They want leaders to look up to, someone to inspire them. They want someone they can trust with their secrets — good or bad. It is a process that does not come easy.
In The Key Class, we use a combination of compassion, integrity and strength. When we’re consistent, we can have everyone’s respect by the end of the first class. And, you know, that’s not much different in real life.
So, how do you make this happen? Here’s what we do.
We Remain Consistent. Our Word is Rule.
If we make a statement, we have to follow through. This means we can never say one thing and do something else.
That’s the single greatest reason teachers (and people in your life) struggle with disrespect, particularly when it comes to enforcing the code of proper behavior.
If you are consistent, and you ask for everyone’s attention and don’t get it from a disruptive student, it’s a matter of taking the student aside in private and explaining the issue respectfully. This means explaining why the behavior is a problem. This is illustrating respect to that student.
This also means that if the student is not willing to follow the code of proper behavior in your class that he or she is asked to leave the room out of respect to all of the other students who are following the code of proper behavior.
This would be the same in the workplace. If an employee is not willing to follow the company rules and regulations, that person has the option of either leaving the company by quitting or by being fired. One bad apple in the basket can ruin the whole basket in a short time.
We make sure that students know we are people they can trust without question. Often students don’t respect teachers because they’ve never met one who actually always did what they said they would do.
Fair or not, this is how our young people see it. If your word isn’t golden, you’ll be a lightweight, short on influence and weak in authority, and they will dismiss you with a roll of the eyes. It’s the same at work or in any relationship.
Never Take Misbehavior Personally.
Allowing a student, or anyone for that matter, to get under your skin often results in hurtful responses like lecturing, arguing, sarcasm or even yelling. This, of course, causes students to view you as someone they can challenge and gain control over.
You must display the behavior you expect to another person. To avoid resentful behavior and earn respect, always keep an emotional distance when responding to unwanted behavior. A matter-of-fact demeanor will enforce your consequence whenever a rule is broken.
It’s important to keep your interaction positive and gentle-hearted.
In the process of our instruction, we always let students know how they can improve their grades by introducing themselves to a new teacher and showing them respect the very first day of class.
Another way to draw students out from inappropriate behavior is to engage them by asking them questions. We have found that a person giving an attitude of indifference in class should be called upon to help the instructor. This empowers the student, which makes that student feel helpful rather than standing out by being disrespectful.
If students respond inaudibly, we always ask them to speak up so that everyone can hear their well-thought-out answers. We are very much aware of the fact that “public speaking” is the most feared emotion of all, even surpassing the fear of death.
We know also that teens are particularly fearful of this for the most part, and we offer them a safe place to practice these skills.
Be Reliable.
Be the same, consistent, pleasant, reliable teacher/person every day. Students or others won’t respect you if you display unpredictable behavior. Being pleasantly wonderful one day and barking at them the next tends to confuse people and cause distrust.
A relationship between teacher and student, or boss and employee, or friend to friend is very contingent upon this. If you are having a bad day, as we all do at times, say that you are having a bad day at the outset.
It is always better to explain your feelings and let people know that it is not something they are doing. Being vulnerable is a plus rather than a weakness. If you let people in, they will return the same.
The rule of thumb here is to be consistently respectful. Quiet strength is something to put in your toolbox, no matter if you are a teacher, a manager or in a relationship with someone who matters.
Respect is earned through honoring your word, a steady temper and the quiet strength of your convictions.
— John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the keys to life skills success. Click to learn more about The Key Class, or click here to buy his book. John’s new book, 74 Key Life Skills for a Happy, Successful Life, is available on Amazon. Connect with The Key Class on Facebook and follow John on Twitter @johnjdalyjr. Do you have a question about business or social etiquette? Ask John at johnKeyClass@gmail.com. The opinions expressed are his own.