Part of caring for yourself means setting boundaries with others. This is especially important with family, romantic partners, and friends. If you find yourself developing anticipatory anxiety related to spending time with someone in your life, setting boundaries can help you.
We would like to share psychology-backed information about setting boundaries.
- Start with setting boundaries for yourself. Be intentional about meeting your own needs, including water, sunlight, rest, hobbies, and peace.
- Treat yourself as you would treat a close friend. This is different from “how you treat yourself is how others will treat you,” because some people will treat others poorly, no matter what. You may be showing more grace and kindness to others than yourself.
- No abuse of any kind- emotional, physical, sexual, or verbal- is ever acceptable. It does not matter if the other person is your parent, spouse, child, sibling, extended family, family friend, friend, colleague, or anyone else. You do not have to accept any form of abuse from anyone.
- You do not owe any part of yourself- mentally, physically, or your time- to anyone. People’s feelings about you saying ‘no’ does not change your capacity, nor should it change your response. ‘No’ is a full sentence.
- Use “I feel” statements to clearly state your boundary and needs. Let others know, clearly and calmly, where your boundary is. It is also important to follow through with what you have stated you will do (or not do) if someone crosses that boundary.
- You do not have to be okay with things you once allowed. You are allowed to change and grow.
- You do not have to engage with someone who will not let go of a past version of you, a version of you they created, and/or someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. Some people hold onto a version of you that fits their own narrative, and this is not always true to who you are. You do not need to prove yourself to anyone, no matter who they are.
- If you are dreading the same conversations and scenarios, think about what, in each of those moments, is over your line. Write it down if you must and do not forget to include the second part of the boundary: What will you do to support yourself if someone crosses that boundary?
- You do not have to engage in political, pandemic, sexist, ableist, homophobic, or other kinds of uncomfortable conversations if you do not wish to do so, either. You can choose peace.
- Connect yourself with your positive support system and life outside of your role in your family. Who are you that does not relate to a familial role (i.e., mother, daughter, father, brother, etc.)? If you are not sure of who or what you have outside of your family, connecting with trusted mental health resources, many of which are available online or free groups, meet-ups, and other ways to get to know people in your community, could help.
- Listen to yourself, no matter how loud anyone else’s voice is. Take care of you. Setting boundaries and upholding them can help you to take care of yourself. You are under no obligation to put yourself in, or stay in, any situation that is beyond your capacity and/or puts you in harm’s way. Family and partners do not get free passes.
Setting boundaries is one of the topics covered in The Journey to Wellness Workshops’ psychology-based, educational workshops on self-care. If you, your business, or someone you know would like more information, please contact hello@thejourneytowellnessworkshops.com or visit us online at: www.thejourneytowellnessworkshops.com for more information.