Over many years, my financial services firm conducted “lifeboat drills” with our clients.

Some of the drills were focused on trying to help clients understand how much market volatility they could really handle.

But we also ran “lifeboat drills” about estate planning. We would typically meet with a married couple and pretend that one of the spouses (often the husband) had just died or become incapacitated.

The unfortunate spouse was encouraged to just listen as we worked through what his or her spouse would have to deal with.

Some clients wanted to include adult children in the conversation. For elderly clients, we highly recommended having adult family members involved.

We even asked if the clients wanted to have their attorney or CPA attend.

To say this was eye-opening to both spouses (and the family) is an understatement.

Here are the steps we followed:

First Steps

Talk about preferences for end-of-life care, burial/cremation, potential long-term care choices and trusted advisers who should be consulted.

Documentation

Go over all estate planning documents, including wills, trusts, powers of attorney and health care directives — including a discussion about roles. Beneficiary designations for life insurance and retirement plans needed to be reviewed.

Note: We always recommended a team approach to estate planning that included legal, tax and financial advisers — and asked clients and their lawyers to provide our firm with digital copies of documents that we stored electronically so they were easily accessible.

Covering Your Assets

Discuss/review all assets and liabilities, including bank and brokerage accounts, retirement plans, life insurance policies, real estate and business holdings, debts/mortgages, etc.

Note: We almost always maintained updated financial plans, which included not only a balance sheet but cash flow details that were very helpful in these conversations.

Conversations were different for clients who would almost certainly amass large estate versus others who would likely spend down much of their net worth.

Estate ‘Stuff’

Talk about procedures — as most people have little or no experience in dealing with an estate.

First, taking time with family and friends — estate “stuff” could usually wait for a while. Making sure there was adequate and easily accessible cash. Getting multiple certified copies of death certificates.

We always found that a “team meeting” with the family, estate attorney, CPA and financial advisers would help explain the process, answer questions and lay out assignments for each party — kind of a “huddle” like in football so everyone is on the same page.

Surprises

Answer questions, talk about any concerns and discuss any potential changes that might be appropriate. Were there any surprises or potential conflicts?

Grieving Process

Remind the family to take time to grieve, that there is usually no hurry to deal with estate/financial matters, and to avoid making any big financial decision quickly.

Too often, major investment or housing decisions made shortly after the loss of a loved one are regretted — so take time to let life settle down.

One idea that really helped clients was to have life insurance proceeds left in an “access fund” that pays interest, is guaranteed, and provides a checkbook to access funds as needed to pay bills without having to make big investment decisions right away.

To-Do Lists

Create a to-do list of follow up items — and set a 30-day reminder to make sure they get done.

Keep in mind that, like most financial planning matters, this is a PROCESS, not an EVENT — so periodic updates are important to make sure plans continue to meet goals.

And since you never know when the unexpected might occur, schedule your lifeboat drill now.