When a news release came to my email recently from Sally Hamilton, who organizes Santa Barbara’s Toba (Japan) Sister Cities exchange program, the memories came flooding back to the summer of 1994, when my daughter Elizabeth participated in the travel-abroad opportunity.
Elizabeth, just 14 at the time and getting ready for her freshman year at San Marcos High School, was one of eight students, four from Santa Barbara and four from Japan, who were part of the Toba Sister Cities exchange.
The Sister City relationship with Toba dates back to 1966, making it the oldest of all of Santa Barbara’s Sister Cities ties, according to Takako Wakita of Santa Barbara Toba Sister City Organization.
Also setting a record for long-term relationships is the enduring friendship between Elizabeth and Hitomi Sato Kubo, her Japanese counterpart, which has been the longest lasting of any of the Sister City student alliances, Hamilton told me recently.
And, they are more than just Facebook “friends.” Over the years, Hitomi has visited Elizabeth and our family several times, and my husband Phil met up with her when he was on a photo assignment in Japan a number of years ago.
I also love that Hitomi still calls me and Phil “Mom and Dad.”
While the Toba Sister Cities Program is nearly 60 years old, the first student exchange took place in 1993, inspired, Wakita said, by the friendship that developed between Hitomi’s mother, and Mark and Sally Hamilton when the Hamiltons were living in Toba for a year as Sister City representatives from Santa Barbara.
The way the program is set up, Wakita explained, is four students, two boys and two girls, ages 13-15, from Santa Barbara, and four from Toba live in each other’s homes for about two weeks in late July and early August when the kids are on summer break.
In Santa Barbara, as in Toba, activities are planned for students to experience the culture, sights and histories of both cities.
The dates coincide with the iconic cultural celebrations of Fiesta in Santa Barbara and Obon, a Japanese festival to honor the dead, in Toba.
The first week, spent in Santa Barbara, is strategically timed to take place during Old Spanish Days. The kids even get to dress up and ride on a Fiesta Parade float. What better way to get a crash course in “living like a local”?
And, unlike tourists, the exchange students participate in the host families’ daily lives.
At the end of the week, after a tearful farewell at the Santa Barbara Airbus stop, the Japanese students return to their own homes, and a week later Santa Barbara’s cohort heads to Toba for their foreign exchange experience.
My original idea for writing this was to offer my own thoughts about our family’s connection with the Toba Sister Cities program because its organizers are currently looking for students to join the 2025 summer exchange. (See end of story for more information)
I asked Elizabeth and Hitomi to share some of their memories as well, which I intended to intersperse with my own. As it turned out, though, what each of the girls wrote was so honest, charming and straight from the heart that I figured I’d just back off now and let them tell their stories.
Elizabeth Heller: My Time in Toba
Leading up to my trip as an exchange student to Toba, Japan, we spent time with our chaperone learning some basic Japanese. I remember we had a mixed tape called “Rapanese.” The Eminem of Rosetta Stone teaching us the important questions/comments such as “Where is the bathroom?” (“Keshō-shitsu wa dokodesu ka?”)
“I’m lost (“Michinimayoimashita”) and “You are a pizza head” (“Anata wa piza heddodesu”).
We’d sit in a squatting position during these sessions in preparation for how the Japanese citizens often sit; and, heaven forbid we got stuck in a home with a pit toilet (perhaps my biggest fear going into this trip).
My student, Hitomi Sato, arrived and was in complete culture shock, homesick, and the language barrier between us proved difficult. It was a good thing I was involved in theater and improv because those skills were 100% put to the test over my entire experience.
Despite the language challenge, I had a great time showing Hitomi around Santa Barbara. The students were here during Fiesta Week, so there was lots happening in town, and playing tourist was fun.
Once Hitomi left, the nerves set in as I got ready to depart for Japan. I’d never traveled so far before without my family, and it was a little scary. But I was with friends Heather and Morgan and our chaperone Linda. I was in good hands. and we were prepared.
When we arrived in Toba, it was hot and humid but beautiful. Hitomi’s family made me feel so welcome in my strange new environment that I would call home for the next 10 days.
And as soon as I saw they had a regular toilet in their house I knew things were going to be A-OK!
I, too, was homesick though when I arrived. Part of it was the jet lag and just feeling very out of place. Not being able to communicate effectively, not knowing exactly what the days’ plans were, and being met with a whole new plate of food choices.
Food is not my forte; it never has been and still isn’t. I’m not adventurous with food. I stick with the basics. If I ever get on “The Amazing Race” (still a dream) I would definitely not be the one eating the scorpions.
Not sure what things were on my plate in Toba, I took tiny bites. I was always happy when it was time for rice or noodles — my safety foods.
We were in Toba during the festival of Obon, the celebration of the dead and spirits of their ancestors. There were nightly parties and fireworks.
Our families took all of us on a helicopter ride. It was terrifying and fun. Seeing the city from high above was truly a special treat.
We met the mayor of Toba, and had our picture in the local paper; we saw the Mikimoto Pearl Divers; and spent time shopping and playing in the ocean.
A highlight for me was being taken to the hairdresser and stylist, where I received the full hair treatment and was dressed in a kimono.
Shingo, one of the Japanese students, played taiko drums, and we got to see him perform. While his performance did not have a profound effect on me at the time, taiko drumming is something I have been doing as an adult and has kept up my ties with the Japanese culture today.
The very best part about the whole Sister Cities exchange experience is that Hitomi and I have remained close friends despite the distance and language barrier.
For years we sent letters back and forth via snail mail. We shipped Hitomi boxes of Mac ’n Cheese (her favorite), and she would send me Poifull (Japanese jellybeans) and Pocky.
Hitomi continued to study English, and our relationship grew easier as we were able to communicate more comfortably. She has visited us several times over the years. We think of her as part of our family. She’s my Japanese sister.
This past summer 2024 was perhaps my favorite visit of all when Hitomi came to Santa Barbara with her two boys Hisato and Keigo. We finally got to meet the boys, and she got to meet my two kids Morgan, age 5, and Dillon, 3.
While I wondered how the children would get along without being able to speak each other’s language, I was quickly reminded that kids speak a language of their own, and it didn’t matter to them one bit that they didn’t understand one another verbally.
Coincidentally, as during Hitomi’s first visit to Santa Barbara, their visit was during Old Spanish Days.
We cracked eggs on each others heads for Fiesta; we played at the beach; and we took the boys for a high flying trapeze adventure.
As it happened, the day Hitomi and the boys were leaving was the same day that the current Toba exchange students visiting Santa Barbara were also heading back to Japan. We were all at the Santa Barbara Airbus together to bid them farewell.
I felt an overwhelming sense of friendship, love and privilege of being part of the Sister Cities Exchange. At this very moment, we had truly come full circle in all aspects of what this program means.
Thanks to the Santa Barbara Sister Cities Program, I truly have gained another “sister.”
Hitomi Sato Kubo: My First Encounter With Santa Barbara
I first encountered Santa Barbara when I was seven. A couple, Mark and Sally Hamilton from Santa Barbara, lived in my neighborhood for 10 months. Through sharing meals and visiting their home, I became aware of America, and developed a deep admiration for the country.
When I was in the first year of junior high school, at the age of 12, I visited Santa Barbara as an exchange student through the Sister City program between Santa Barbara and Toba City.
My host family was to be the family of Elizabeth Heller, a friend of the Hamiltons.
Before leaving, I was filled with excitement about going to America, but the moment I arrived, I was overwhelmed with anxiety because I couldn’t understand any English at all.
Despite Elizabeth, her younger sister Marisa, and their parents being so kind to me, I spent the entire 10 days feeling homesick.
Even so, I have many wonderful memories from that time. I was captivated by the charming stores lined up in downtown Santa Barbara.
When we went out to eat, I was shocked by how every portion seemed to be three times the size of a typical Japanese meal.
I was also surprised to see the father of the family doing household chores.
During the Fiesta, I got to wear a yukata and ride on a float, though I probably wasn’t smiling at all at the time.
I remember seeing beautifully decorated eggs being sold at the Fiesta. I wasn’t fond of the cinnamon scent in bagels back then, but I fell in love with Taco Bell’s tacos, which were rare to find in Japan.
However, realizing that I had made things difficult for my host family left me with bittersweet memories and a sense of guilt. I strongly wished that I had been able to speak English better.
Even so, my host family continued to welcome me warmly even after I returned to Japan. At that time, there was no email or social media, so we kept in touch through letters. I always looked forward to receiving letters from Elizabeth.
The second time I visited Santa Barbara was in the summer when I was 19. By then, I had studied English diligently and was able to communicate with my host family, which brought me great joy.
It was the year after September 11. My host family took me to a requiem held at the Santa Barbara Courthouse. Seeing the citizens in tears, I felt the strong patriotism of the American people.
The third visit was in October when I was 21, during my study abroad in Vancouver, Canada. It was the Halloween season, and we carved pumpkins together.
The fourth time, when I was 27 and a junior high school English teacher, I visited Santa Barbara as a Toba exchange chaperone, bringing four students along with me.
I remember Takaka Wakita from the Santa Barbara Association saying to me, “You had a tough time when you were an exchange student. You were so homesick. But now, you can speak English so well.”
The Hamiltons told me, “You are the best chaperone we’ve ever had. And you and Elizabeth have built the most wonderful relationship. We are so proud of you both.”
My fifth trip to Santa Barbara was last summer. Both Elizabeth and I now have two children and have fully embraced motherhood. I had always dreamed of introducing my sons to my Santa Barbara family, and that dream finally came true.
Even though months have passed since our visit, my sons still bring up memories from Santa Barbara in conversation.
Even now, I continue studying English. The biggest reason is that I want to have as many conversations as possible with my American family. I cannot imagine my life without Elizabeth’s family. They are incredibly precious to me, my emotional anchor, and they enrich my life.
Despite the challenges I gave them when I was a middle school student, they still accepted me with open arms.
As I write this, countless emotions are flooding my heart, and tears keep streaming down my face. I am filled with gratitude.
Toba Sister Cities Exchange Students
Students or families wanting more information and an application to be a Santa Barbara-Toba Sister Cities exchange student can email Sally Hamilton at sallyshamilton@gmail.com. The application deadline is Friday, Feb. 28.