… we grow old because we stop laughing.

Welcome to spring, a time for birth and mirth. Or, as Robin Williams said, “Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”

That’s why I thought now would be a good time to share this gray-tinted collection of quips, quotes, one-liners and a few examples of capital PUN-ishment.  

Some are my own, others virtually fell into my lap … top. 

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

The grandkids text me “plz,” which is shorter than “please.” I text back “no,” which is shorter than “yes.”

Then there are the grandparents who always offer sound advice — 99 percent sound and 1 percent advice.

I don’t trip over things; I do random gravity checks! 

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can — and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don’t have white hair; I have “wisdom highlights.”

If God wanted me to touch my toes, she would’ve put them on my knees.

I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

Of course I talk to myself, but only when I need expert advice.

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Some seniors are no good at counting calories — and they have the figures to prove it.

An elderly man and an elderly woman each drive their cars toward the other in a narrow alley. Neither can pass. The older man shouts, “I don’t back up for a stupid idiot!” The older woman shouts, “Well, I do!” as she shifts into reverse.

Men of Pause: A difficult time in an aging man’s life, when you’re too tired to work and too broke to quit.

At our age, a synonym is a word you use when you forget how to spell the other one.

Forget Caller ID. When are they going to come up with Caller IQ?

Talk about getting the last laugh: An obituary described 83-year-old Norma Brewer, dying while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with her pets. The obit continued, “There is suspicion that Mrs. Brewer died from hypothermia after her dog ate Mrs. Brewer’s warm winter boots and socks.” In fact, Mrs. Brewer was wheelchair-bound and died from a stroke. Seems the fun-loving grandma always enjoyed a good laugh and decided to fabricate her own whopper of an obituary.

Her son, Raymond Brewer, told a newspaper it had more to do with the way she viewed the world: While life is serious, it shouldn’t be taken all that serious. It was her way of having the last laugh.

Knowing when to laugh and when to be serious is the key. Tune in to my next column when we resume the serious subject of senior caretakers and PTSD.

Until the next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.

— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at info@ronabarrettfoundation.org. The opinions expressed are her own.