Z: I think we should go out to Isla Vista for Halloween this year. We can dress up as cranky, middle-aged people and yell at all the students. “Hey, you kids! Get off of my lawn!”

She: You sure know how to party.

Z: I’m almost embarrassed to say, but I’ve never been out to I.V. for Halloween.

She: Seriously? Not even in high school?

Z: I was too nerdy in high school, gone in college, and not here for a while after college. I think we need to make up for it now, and spend every night out there.

She: I went when I was in high school. It’s a mob scene. A bunch of rowdy drunk people parading down the street.

Z: Like New Orleans’ Mardi Gras?

She: But a lot less fun. With no live music or entertainment to speak of, other than the drunk people.

Z: It sure looked like those kids we saw waiting for the bus on Upper State Street were having fun. Maybe we could just hang out at the bus stops, and watch as Captain America and Slutty Schoolgirls try to get on over-crowded buses to go out to I.V.

She: Again, you sure know how to party.

Z: I’m honestly not sure what the attraction is. I Googled some pictures, and it looks like massive groups of people in costumes wandering around the street. Am I missing anything?

She: That’s about it. There’s no costume parade, or big concert, or specifically organized party. It’s just people in costumes walking around getting drunk.

Z: Like when we lived in West Hollywood.

She: No, not like West Hollywood at all. Those costumes were fabulously creative.

Z: I get it. It’s exactly like Victorian England, when couples would stroll about the promenade. It’s a safe way to flirt with the opposite sex while under the watchful eyes of a chaperone.

She: Except the chaperone is the police, and I don’t think flirting is their No. 1 concern.

Z: On the very first night, Noozhawk reported that the police made 85 arrests, 56 citations and transported at least 18 people to hospitals. Yum. That makes Halloween night in I.V. even more attractive. Who wouldn’t want to go to a party like that?

She: The remarkable thing is that it’s completely organic — it’s not an organized festival or event — which is probably why it’s so lame. The only things that are officially planned are all the different ways to make it unappealing.

Z: Like what?

She: The Unparty Patrol. They make the UC Santa Barbara dorm RAs sign something saying they won’t leave the dorm all weekend and they won’t have any friends over or have any fun. In fact the whole campus is “closed” for the weekend. I saw the signs from the Unparty People when we went to Koss’ soccer game.

Z: I wonder how hard it is to get an Unparty Planner job?

She: They block the whole place off, put up fences to discourage jay-walking, cover it with police, make parking within a five-hundred mile range impossible, and actually hand out fliers at other universities up and down the coast that say, “Don’t go to UCSB for Halloween.”

Z: Our wedding would have been so much cheaper if we had hired these people to plan it.

She: Actually, I bet the forbidden element of being invited not to come would have lured at least a thousand of our closest friends.

Z: Scantily clad friends? That’s definitely part of the appeal of an IV Halloween.

She: Not to mention all of the public vomiting and urination.

Z: I can’t believe I’ve been missing this all these years.  Where’s my Playboy Bunny costume? We need to go out there, now!

She: Yes, dear.

— What are you doing for Halloween? Spook She and Z by emailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com. Follow She and Z on Twitter: @lesliedinaberg. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.