She: You know how I have to pee every 10 minutes whenever we leave town?
Z: No, I never noticed. I thought you just enjoyed visiting every gas station from here to Mexico, like how some people collect shot glasses.
She: Well, I saw something online that could really help me during long road trips.
Z: Did someone finally write that book you’ve been promising to write: Clean Bathrooms of America?
She: I wish. I think I’m going to have to write that book myself someday.
Z: It’ll make great bathroom reading. I can’t wait.
She: Neither can I, which is exactly the problem.
Z: It’s not your fault you’re part of the Amazing Mini Bladderini family. I never see you or your mom run, except to get out of the car and run to the bathroom.
She: It is pretty amazing. But for those awful times when there isn’t actual plumbing available, I saw something amazing on YouTube.
Z: That’s fantastic! An Australian commercial selling the Whiz Biz. Now we get to make pee jokes for the rest of the column. My mother will be so proud.
She: Pretty cool, huh? The Whiz Biz allows women to, well, whiz just about anywhere standing up.
Z: No more complaining about having to hover over a slightly unclean public toilet?
She: Exactly. It’s a peeing revolution. Women are finally free to when and where they need to. I mean, not anywhere, but almost anywhere. At least I won’t have to hold it because of poison oak.
Z: Sounds great. Free to pee, you and me. Well, you. Me, I’m fine.
She: We no longer have to have a pot to piss in. Peeing will no longer be a privilege but a right. Women will be in control of our own potty breaks.
Z: Those Australians are awesome. First Vegemite, now this.
She: Ex-penal colonies have all the fun.
Z: I do have one question: Where do you keep it when you’re not whizzing?
She: Hmmm … I hadn’t thought of that. Yuck! That’s a good question.
Z: I have an even better one. Are you now going to start writing your name in the snow?
She: I guess it would be good for skiing or hiking, when you’re up in the mountains away from any bathrooms.
Z: That would be fantastic, if you liked to ski or hike.
She: Maybe it’s just my bladder that’s been impeding me.
Z: No, I think it’s that you don’t like to ski or hike that’s been impeding you.
She: I may be scared of heights and hate to be cold, but I’m sure I’d find some use for it.
Z: I think the whole deal proves that Freud was right. Women have penis envy.
She: Yes. If only I had an extra silly looking dangling appendage between my legs, I’d be complete. I think you’re jealous because mine would be detachable.
Z: That’s the other thing I don’t buy. You’re going to wash that thing and carry it around with you?
She: No way. I’m waiting for the disposable, fully biodegradable version.
Z: Detachable, disposable and fully biodegradable? I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable here.
She: Yes, dear.
Share your thoughts on the Whiz Biz at firstname.lastname@example.org.