She: You know how I have to pee every 10 minutes whenever we leave town?

Z: No, I never noticed. I thought you just enjoyed visiting every gas station from here to Mexico, like how some people collect shot glasses.

She: Well, I saw something online that could really help me during long road trips.

Z: Did someone finally write that book you’ve been promising to write: Clean Bathrooms of America?

She: I wish. I think I’m going to have to write that book myself someday.

Z: It’ll make great bathroom reading. I can’t wait.

She: Neither can I, which is exactly the problem.

Z: It’s not your fault you’re part of the Amazing Mini Bladderini family. I never see you or your mom run, except to get out of the car and run to the bathroom.

She: It is pretty amazing. But for those awful times when there isn’t actual plumbing available, I saw something amazing on YouTube.

Z: That’s fantastic! An Australian commercial selling the Whiz Biz. Now we get to make pee jokes for the rest of the column. My mother will be so proud.

She: Pretty cool, huh? The Whiz Biz allows women to, well, whiz just about anywhere standing up.

Z: No more complaining about having to hover over a slightly unclean public toilet?

She: Exactly. It’s a peeing revolution. Women are finally free to when and where they need to. I mean, not anywhere, but almost anywhere. At least I won’t have to hold it because of poison oak.

Z: Sounds great. Free to pee, you and me. Well, you. Me, I’m fine.

She: We no longer have to have a pot to piss in. Peeing will no longer be a privilege but a right. Women will be in control of our own potty breaks.

Z: Those Australians are awesome. First Vegemite, now this.

She: Ex-penal colonies have all the fun.

Z: I do have one question: Where do you keep it when you’re not whizzing?

She: Hmmm … I hadn’t thought of that. Yuck! That’s a good question.

Z: I have an even better one. Are you now going to start writing your name in the snow?

She: I guess it would be good for skiing or hiking, when you’re up in the mountains away from any bathrooms.

Z: That would be fantastic, if you liked to ski or hike.

She: Maybe it’s just my bladder that’s been impeding me.

Z: No, I think it’s that you don’t like to ski or hike that’s been impeding you.

She: I may be scared of heights and hate to be cold, but I’m sure I’d find some use for it.

Z: I think the whole deal proves that Freud was right. Women have penis envy.

She: Yes. If only I had an extra silly looking dangling appendage between my legs, I’d be complete. I think you’re jealous because mine would be detachable.

Z: That’s the other thing I don’t buy. You’re going to wash that thing and carry it around with you?

She: No way. I’m waiting for the disposable, fully biodegradable version.

Z: Detachable, disposable and fully biodegradable? I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable here.

She: Yes, dear.

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