Z: Did you read that article in the L.A. Times about that Belgian group on YouTube? I Power?
She: You mean how they “gamed the system” by making people think their nerdy videos are really about sex?
Z: Brilliant, isn’t it? I love the Belge.
She: It’s a classic bait and switch.
Z: They’re consistently in the top most-viewed on YouTube because they name all of their videos “Sexy, Sexy, Porn, Porn.” Or something like that.
She: Don’t forget the thumbnail image of the scantily clad brunette.
Z: As a proud member of the least-common denominator, I’ve got to say that I’m suckered in every time.
She: Add the word “free” in there and you’ve got a perfect direct marketing case study.
Z: Like I said, it’s brilliant.
She: It’s sort of sick, but I accidentally learned a little bit about keyword marketing a few months ago when my column about The Itty Bitty Titty Charity hit Internet gold. Apparently a lot of people go prowling the Net for the word “charity.”
Z: Givers. That’s pretty much the only people on the Net: givers.
She: Sex sells just about anything. I heard that Dr. Ruth ad for Clairol Herbal Essences shot its body wash sales through the roof.
Z: That’s crazy, heretical talk. Sex doesn’t sell. Honesty sells. Like when Walter Mondale said he was going to raise taxes.
She: What about the booth babes at trade shows?
Z: Nobody goes to those booths. They’re empty. Everyone’s hanging out at the booth with the free key chains that say InfoMegaTech and have big charts that explain how circuit boards work.
She: Do you really think the Hooters Casino doesn’t believe sex sells?
Z: “Hooters Casino” is redundant. Again, the only reason people go to that casino is because they’re nature fans who love owls.
She: I even read about a men’s hair salon chain called Knockouts. It’s based in Texas, and they call it the “Hooters of haircutting,” with women in dolphin shorts and tight T-shirts cutting hair in places that look like boxing rings.
Z: Women with scissors in a boxing ring? Now I’m just frightened …
She: You can watch sports, and even have a beer while they style your hair.
Z: … yet oddly intrigued.
She: You know sex sells. You’re just being contrarian.
Z: Here’s the great thing about the Belgians’ videos – half of them are actually roundtable discussions of serious topics. Do you think the women cutting my hair are going to want to talk about Iraq?
She: Is that really why you went in there in the first place?
Z: No. I went because you were nagging me to get my hair cut. Is it my fault there’s a pleasant atmosphere?
She: That’s my point. You could go to Fantastic Sams, but you choose the sexy place, just like everyone on YouTube chooses the sexy-sounding video.
Z: It reminds me of movie trailers where they sell the movie like a comedy, then you get there and it’s King Lear.
She: It all seems so cynical. I understand the impulse for purely commercial products, but creative people should be ready to defend their work for exactly what it is.
Z: I know. Can you even imagine resorting to naming our column something like “Sexy, Sexy, Porn, Porn,” just so we could attract more readers?
She: I can’t imagine sinking that low.
Z: The only thing that would be more embarrassing is if we did that, and we ended up the most-viewed article on Noozhawk this week.
She: Yes, dear.
Share your favorite titles with She and Z at leslie@lesliedinaberg.com.