HOUR 1
She: The electricity just went out.
Z: That’s would explain the dark.
She: Do you think it will come back on? This is Mammoth, after all. I’m not sure that they know what to do.
Z: There are 7 million people up here skiing this week. I’m sure they won’t have a problem getting the electricity back on.
HOUR 9
She: Good morning. Is the power back on, yet?
Z: No, sweet mercy, no! No electricity! We’re going to have to eat the children.
She: We have plenty of food. But the heat is electric, and so is the hot water. I think we should leave right now and go check into a $1,000-a-night hotel. It’s the only sane thing to do.
Z: Don’t be ridiculous. I called Edison, and they said that the power will be back on by this evening.
She: But there was three feet of snow last night, and it’s still blowing and dumping out there right now.
Z: It’s Edison. I’m pretty sure they invented electricity. All they have to do is hook up a couple of wires or something.
She: This is why I go to rugged places with you. You know stuff.
HOUR 13
Z: Do you really think you should have another Irish Coffee?
She: Shut up and get me more whiskey, boy!
HOUR 18
Z: Daytime barhopping with an 11-year-old, a 9-year-old and a 6-year-old in the middle of a blizzard is a brand new ski vacation experience.
She: Shut-up and get me more whiskey, boy!
Z: I still think we should have eaten the children.
She: They’re too skinny, even with all the bar food we’ve been feeding them.
Z: More chili fries!
HOUR 22
She: I can’t believe the power is still off. It’s getting cold in here. Can we leave yet?
Z: It’s OK. I lit a fire.
She: Which took you two hours to start.
Z: But at least that kept me warm while you guys were out buying $300 worth of flashlights and candles.
She: So that we can see our breath fog up the inside the condo.
Z: And I think our food situation is getting sketchier. It’s warmer in the refrigerator than it is in the kitchen.
She: I’m OK. I ate enough bad chili fries to last the whole winter.
Z: Those were for the children!
She: Do we have any more whiskey?
HOUR 28
She: Koss is nothing but elbows and knees.
Z: You’re the one who thought it was a good idea for him to sleep with us tonight.
She: It’s -1° F outside. I didn’t want to wake up to find a Kossicle.
Z: I think he brought extra knees and elbows with him tonight.
She: Oh! My spleen!
HOUR 36
Z: Fine, you win, still no electricity, we’ll leave. But the car is buried under 4 feet of snow. How am I ever going to get it out?
She: With a snow shovel. Isn’t that what you mountain people do?
Z: I saw some other guy do that, and it took like 20 minutes or so. Way too hard. I think the only way I’m going to be able to get the car out is to saw my arm off.
She: You could get some other manly man to help you.
Z: That James Franco is everywhere, until you really need him, then he’s nowhere to be found.
She: I think a shovel might be easier.
Z: Where do we keep the good, dull knives?
HOUR 37
She: Goodbye, Mammoth. I hope you get your power back on someday, but that’s the limit of my shower-free, heat-free tolerance.
Z: I thought it was a great adventure. You’ve got to learn to go with the flow a little more, to not panic so much. No need to make rash decisions.
She: Where’s Koss?
Z: (Burp)
She: Yes, dear.
— Share your snow camping tips with She and Z by e-mailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com.