Z: It’s CycleMAYnia! I’m a CycleMAYniac! I’m CycleMAYniacal! Mwah-hah-hah!
She: Oooooh-kay.
Z: Doesn’t CycleMAYnia make you want to jump on your bike and ride?
She: Other than the cycling, jumping, riding and biking parts, sure. I do like wordplay, and the Cycle-MAY-nia in May is very clever. But me and bikes, not so clever.
Z: What’s your deep, dark secret that makes you fear bikes so much? Were you attacked by a marauding pack of Schwinns as a child?
She: Yes, that’s it. Yes I was.
Z: Were you abandoned by a Giant? Did a Diamondback leave you for another woman? Some wanton Huffy?
She: Bike puns. Hilarious.
Z: Let me Raleigh your spirits with a Trek through a Specialized bike tale just for you.
She: Would you please stop …
Z: Cannondale.
She: … spewing out bike manufacturers. I get it.
Z: Really? ‘Cause I’m just spewing out bike manufacturers. What’s to get?
She: That you love to bike.
Z: Eh. I like biking. But there’s always a slight undercurrent of terror when I’m on my bike, even though I try to stay on lightly trafficked streets or bike paths.
She: Then how does that make you a CycleMAYniac?
Z: Oh, that. I joined a team at work for the corporate CycleMAYnia challenge put on by Traffic Solutions. You get points for every day that you bike, and the winning teams get money donated to a charity.
She: That actually sounds like a nice thing. How unusual for you.
Z: As our child would say, “I know, right?”
She: But I thought you actually enjoyed the biking? It sure seems like that when you gloat about it.
Z: I do. It’s good exercise, I save money on gas, and I get to feel superior as I pass by people stuck on the freeway. But there’s still that background fear of getting run over, and the route to Carpinteria has a few too many freeway fumes.
She: I get the fear part. I never quite mastered the bicycle part.
Z: I could attest to that — if I’d ever seen you on a bicycle.
She: We’ve rented the surries before at East Beach.
Z: Four-wheeled bikes don’t count.
She: And I’m OK on a bicycle built for two, if I’m not the one steering.
Z: I won’t take that metaphorically.
She: I’m a master of the stationary bike. I’ve never fallen off of that. Unlike my sister, who’s had a couple of spectacular treadmill wipeouts.
Z: Your family is magical.
She: I used to go on bike rides with my dad, at least on Father’s Day. I had some pretty excellent wipeouts myself.
Z: YouTube is 20 years too late.
She: But biking was never a regular part of my day, so I didn’t get the chance to completely perfect the art of riding a bike without hurting myself.
Z: How so?
She: I had no natural inclination to put my feet down when we stopped. I figured that if I could remain upright when I was in motion, then why couldn’t I remain upright when I stopped?
Z: Sounds logical, other than the whole physics thing.
She: It made sense to me, but I really disliked the constant tipping over and falling off.
Z: Have you ever heard the phrase, “just like riding a bike?”
She: I don’t like that phrase. In fact I really dislike that phrase. I was all excited about this whole Bike Moves thing where you dress up in cute themes and have cocktails and meet fun people, until I found out that it actually involves riding a bike.
Z: This is why I made sure that we got our kid a bike, and made sure that he could ride it. It took hitting a few parked cars, but he’s got it down.
She: That’s my boy.
Z: A regular chip off the old bike.
She: A real CycleMANiac.
Z: Yes, dear.
— Share your spokes stories with She and Z by emailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com. Read She Said, Z Said every Monday on Noozhawk and follow them on Twitter: @lesliedinaberg. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.