Put Up Your Dukes

Montecito – An argument between job foremen working neighboring projects in Montecito escalated April 15 when one allegedly spit on the other. The quarrel began during a discussion of construction trash and materials left on the roadside. Apparently, the garbage was causing a stir among neighbors.

A Really Good Listener

Santa Barbara – Patrolling deputies found a 47-year-old man sitting along Milpas Street on a recent afternoon talking to a tree. The man, who could not get up or walk without assistance, must have thought his companion was merely a good listener. He was arrested for public intoxication.

Granny Gives it the Gas

Summerland – A Summerland resident, 76, is seeking a restraining order against a neighbor who allegedly has been making threats against her. The victim said her neighbor had been upset with her ever since she contacted “county officials” about speed limit signs he posted illegally on Calle Culumbre. The woman said the man has repeatedly threatened to have her arrested for speeding.

Bothersome Beachcomber

Carpinteria – After receiving a call at 2 p.m. about a man behaving erratically at the beach in Rincon on April 15, a deputy met with witnesses who said the man had been grabbing his crotch and “acting inappropriately” toward women.

The deputy found the subject, wearing a yellow hat, swinging a piece of driftwood. Refusing to obey orders, the man was struck with a Taser gun twice before complying. During his arrest, the man continued to exclaim that he was “Allah.”

Taking a Bite out of Crime

Carpinteria – A woman arrested for public intoxication earlier this month told deputies she was “a CIA operative working to capture cannibals.” After receiving a call about the disruptive woman at a Linden Avenue grocery store, deputies found the inebriated 42-year-old lying on a mat outside the building.

Book Club Dried Up

Carpinteria – It wasn’t until a woman was readying her home for a book club party that she realized she was the victim of a residential burglary. The woman believes that a thief entered her Casitas Pass Road home, stealing a $20 bottle of wine sometime between April 13 and April 15.

Hunger Pangs

Santa Barbara – Authorities are searching for three male juveniles who allegedly took a man’s groceries from him as he walked on Cacique Street. The victim, 47, said he was struck on the arm with a stick before the men grabbed his food and fled on foot about 7 p.m. on a recent Thursday.

Pack it Up

Santa Barbara – A crackdown on “illegal lodgers” outside the Santa Barbara Public Library on Anapamu Street has led to the citing of numerous transients. In one case, a man had set up his bed outside the building in front of an emergency exit. Food and trash were scattered around the subject, according to the report.

Landscaping on the Cheap

Carpinteria – The caretaker of an apartment complex in Carpinteria contacted authorities after finding three previously landscaped areas on the property in tatters. It appeared the damage was caused in an effort to steal mature foliage. Inventory of the area indicated the thief stole 48 flowering snapdragons and a dozen impatiens.

Smoke in His Eye

Summerland – Pulled over for erratic driving on Highway 101 near Summerland just after 9 p.m. Monday, the driver’s passenger chimed in that the poor driving was her fault “because I was giving him a massage.”

However, smelling marijuana, the deputy asked if the driver’s impaired ability was because of being under the influence. When no marijuana was located inside the car, the deputy asked if the driver had already smoked it all. The driver smiled and said, “Yeah.” The passenger, 18, was taken home by a parent; the driver, 24, was arrested for driving under the influence.