After 32 years, I finally got around to falling in love with my wife.
What a twisted view of love we often have as young people. At that time of life, it’s all about looks, charm, personality, popularity, etc. Trouble is those fleeting youthful focal points have a way of disappearing with passing time and the relentless stresses of life.
So, then what? Sadly, that’s one of the key reasons for our 50% failure rate of modern marriages as people discover there is nothing left after the “bling” is gone. It’s often off to another mate to do the whole thing all over again.
I wonder how many thoughtless marriages could be prevented if it was possible to magically strip away all outward appearance stuff for just five minutes in premarital counseling. Then ask the intended parties if they’re still willing to go through with the nuptials in the light of the resulting unvarnished view.
I was partially influenced by the “bling thing” 32 years ago as well. In a previous column I wrote, “As she walked gracefully across the lawn in front of the sun-splashed Santa Barbara Mission and headed toward our little picnic group, she already ‘had me.’ Statuesque, elegant, with gentle features and an Oil of Olay complexion, I was smitten before she uttered ‘hi.’ In the next two hours, I found myself helplessly wrapped around her little finger … As we gingerly ‘sparred’ conversationally, one subconscious ‘criteria box’ after another got ticked on our respective ‘potential life mate checklists.’”
Yes, we’re all looking for the magic of budding love. It’s what built Hollywood. But as they say, “But wait, there’s more …”
As written in 1 Corinthians 13:11-13: “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now, we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
But as careful as the two of us were, my wife and I were already “smitten” and therefore incapable of much rational thought. We would likely have flunked the “harsh reality test” (above) at that point.
Fortunately, this wasn’t the first marriage for either one of us, and we did “snap out of it” for moments and looked past the externals toward fundamental character traits that do not disappear with the rising of the sun and removal of the makeup.
One example of going deeper: I remember being blown away by the way my wife had her occupational therapist patients literally “eating out of her hand.” Everyone wanted her as their caregiver. She cared beyond the professional requirements of her career. Impressive.
As we both explored deeper, we discovered the “clincher” that would become the rock-solid basis for our marriage that has stood the test of time — we shared a mutual love for our Savior, Jesus Christ.
I’ve written before about a “love triangle,” noting, “It’s simple geometry. Picture a triangle with God at the apex (top) and the man at the left bottom corner and the woman on the right bottom corner. As the man and woman move closer to God, they automatically move closer to one another. This is the basis of true spiritual intimacy.”
For us, Jesus is the spiritual glue that keeps us together, and it has formed our characters in ways that would have been impossible otherwise.
The scripture describes Jesus on a much grander scale as the cosmic “Stickum” that holds the universe together — from the outer reaches of interstellar space to the infinitesimal inner workings of atoms.
As described in Colossians 1:16-17, “… by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones, or dominions, or rulers, or authorities — all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”
With a God of such unlimited power at the center of your relationships, don’t you think it would be child’s play for Him to hold your marriage together? IF you ask Him in, that is!
How About You?
Today, with all the externals removed, and lying in hospice, I see Christ in my wife through the Holy Spirit and have come to realize that that was what I was attracted to all along. In the words of Colossians 1:27, “… the mystery that is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”
It is real love at last!
Have you asked Jesus into your marriage? It’s never too late for a miracle, you know.
— D.C. Collier is a Bible teacher, discipleship mentor and writer focused on Christian apologetics. A mechanical engineer and internet entrepreneur, he is the author of My Origin, My Destiny, a book focused on Christianity’s basic “value proposition.” Click here for more information, or contact him at don@peervalue.com. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.