I spent Spring Break touring colleges in the Pacific Northwest with my son. I explained the plan at least six months in advance, invited him to pick some activities he would enjoy, and asked him if he had any criteria for the trip.

With zero enthusiasm, he repeatedly stated, “I don’t want to go.”

I imagined hikes to amazing waterfalls, the Museum of Pop Culture, maybe a pro soccer game, and definitely trying new foods at the food truck pods in Washington and Oregon.

I agreed that college tours might not meet his definition of fun, but there were plenty of opportunities to balance it out. He was having none of it.

But to borrow a line from a friend, my household is a “benevolent dictatorship.” His teenage brain wanted nothing more than a week of playing soccer and video games, but I wasn’t offering a choice; this was a “do-it.”

We toured seven schools and could easily have toured another seven. The list included Seattle University, the University of Puget Sound, Pacific University, Willamette University, Oregon State University (OSU), Lewis and Clark, and Linfield University.

In case you are wondering, I selected all but OSU for their focus on undergraduate education, smaller size, and generous financial aid. OSU is a Western University Exchange school, so there are good odds of affordable tuition, and I wanted him to see a size contrast.

Despite hearing “My brain just needs a break. I could be home playing video games” more times than I want to admit, I still consider the trip a success.

Just by driving around Oregon State, he figured out that the big schools were not for him.

“Mom, you lost me at 100 people in a class!” (I didn’t have the heart to tell him that’s small by UC standards.) So, we’ve crossed the UCs off his list. Time, money, and effort saved.

After visiting Seattle University, he also decided he did not want to attend school in an urban area. On paper, he couldn’t have figured that out.

He liked different things at different schools, and I was most pleasantly surprised by Willamette’s internship opportunities in various majors.

At Lewis and Clark, there was a beautiful covered bridge straddling a fern-filled gully, which was a win for the prettiest campus.

The University of Puget Sound was particularly friendly, as evidenced by a biology professor inviting the small tour into her lab class.

If you have the opportunity to visit schools, it’s worth it. Even with an unwilling grouch (I am charitably chalking it up to anxiety), he’s starting to understand there are differences and learn what’s important to him.

With 2,600+ four-year schools out there, elimination based on widely applicable criteria is helpful. 

I also realized I was right to question the wisdom of managing this process for my own kid. It is going to take a toll on our relationship.

Despite my vast knowledge, I am still Mom, and being accountable to Mom is way different than being accountable to a neutral third party.

My brother also has experience as an independent college counselor, so I may pull him in to keep the peace. I don’t want to spend the next year fighting over college stuff.

Good luck to all. May you find some fun and laughter in the journey and have options when it is time to choose.

P.S. We had a meeting with my son’s high school counselor last week, and he actually had more good things to say about the trip. It took tremendous restraint not to roll my eyes and say, “I told you!”

But I did allow myself a silent smile.