First, let me repeat the true meaning of etiquette. Etiquette is the code of proper behavior. Now, let’s talk about sex.
A solid sexual relationship requires two willing, consenting adults. Interpret that to mean that NO MEANS NO. If one partner says “no” to the act, the other should stop what he or she is doing.
This, by the way, goes both ways, no matter who makes the first move. NO Means NO.
It is never the code of proper behavior to force yourself on anyone, male, female or same sex. Passion may run high, but it is the true mark of a lady or a gentleman to take the high road on this one.
The pressure on having sexual relationships can come from not only advances but peer pressure. A young man may feel that having a relationship with another person is a mark of being a real man. That could be the reason he continues when he may know it is not what his partner wants.
On the other hand, a young woman may feel that she has to have sex with her partner to keep that person around, to show her love, or to prove to her peers that she has captured the guy or girl about whom everyone dreams.
In addition, it is very important to understand that sex is not the same as love. There are wonderful times when the two unite into one, but it’s not automatic.
Having either taught or mentored teens for the past 20 years, I have observed cases where kids feel they are “buying” love with sex. As The Beatles song suggests, “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Money, cars, nice dinners out, etc., don’t buy love.
Sometimes these things only make being with the person providing them more tolerable, but it is not something that anyone should have to pay back with sex to show appreciation for these gifts. A relationship built on this sand foundation will soon wash away and leave no trace of ever having been there.
Please understand that I am not condoning casual sex or, for that matter, sex outside of marriage. However, I do not have my head in the sand, and it happens.
In those cases, it is a man’s responsibility to carry protection at all times to be safe. At the same time, it is a woman’s responsibility to be very honest about any birth control measures she practices.
In my experience with young people, couples often are at odds because the male promised to use protection or care and didn’t, or the female declared she was using a form of birth control only to trick the man into a long-standing relationship involving fatherhood and commitment.
This is not a game! This can result in a young life being ruined before it begins. It is not the code of proper behavior to trick someone into what can be a lifelong struggle. Bringing a child into the world when a couple is not prepared and/or doesn’t really want it after they cool off is just plain wrong for both the child and the young parents.
Life really is not that much different than it was decades ago. Young people still have the same desires as they did then; however, one thing that has relaxed is our etiquette, behavior and attitudes. People — especially young people — need to really examine the consequences of their actions. They have the power to change both their behavior and attitudes.
The opinions of this article, and in all my articles, are mine and not necessarily those of the Noozhawk staff. This is a very touchy subject for many, but one that is very necessary for us not to ignore.
Here’s a video on Just Saying No!
(RLFWC YOUTH GROUP video)
— John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the keys to life skills success. Click to learn more about The Key Class. John’s new book, 74 Key Life Skills for a Happy, Successful Life, is available on Amazon. Click here to receive a FREE eBook copy of The Key Class. Do you have a question about business or social etiquette? Ask John at johnKeyClass@gmail.com. Connect with The Key Class on Facebook and follow John on Twitter @johnjdalyjr. The opinions expressed are his own.