Question from Kylie
Hello. My problem is my parents found out I’m getting drunk at parties, and this has caused me so many problems. We argued, we fought, we hurt each other, and this is not what I want.
I am 17. I only drink at parties because that’s what everyone my age does and it is really OK for us. But not for my parents. I understand their worry but, honestly, there is nothing to worry about. I can control myself. I don’t drink till I die!
What can I do to convince them I’m not drinking anymore so they can leave me alone, because I really can’t stand this. It’s getting annoying! They don’t understand. They are so strict about everything. I am not even allowed to make sleepovers at my friends. I am 17! Not 2. Damn.
Weezy
I know you feel like you know what you are doing and you’ve got this under control but honestly, when you are drunk or buzzed, you are in control of nothing and you are in danger. So, I am with your parents on this one.
The error in your judgment here is that you have not yet encountered what could go wrong. Your parents have a wider view of the world and the dangers, and they know that their inebriated 17-year-old daughter is at a MUCH, MUCH (I can not stress this enough) greater risk of rape, injury, pregnancy, hurt, regret, paralysis, death … the list goes on and on.
Your ability to make wise choices is already impaired by the simple reality that you are 17. Your conviction that it is perfectly OK for a group of high school kids to drink at parties is further evidence that you don’t always make great choices. Add alcohol to your reasoning faculties and you are in serious peril.
On top of which, you did use the word “drunk.” Clear-thinking adults without a drinking problem do not drink to get drunk. Responsible consumers of alcoholic beverages drink socially, relax a bit, and have one or two drinks during a given gathering. At no point in the evening are they drunk.
I’m so sorry. I know you were seeking advice that agrees with your thinking but, in essence, you are asking me to help you lie and pull one over on your parents. I can not do that.
Like your parents, I’m a grown-up and I know that a lot of beautiful children are lost every year due to alcohol. Many are killed and disabled for life. Many do damage to somebody else and must live with that guilt and remorse. All because they or somebody they trusted was drunk.
It sounds like your folks are on top of this. They don’t trust you because they can’t trust you. Not yet.
Your parents are not the problem here. Instead, it’s your inability to foresee the consequences of your actions.
The legal drinking age in this country is 21 for an excellent reason. Children who drink are very capable of destroying lives. Kids who begin drinking too early are far more likely to become alcoholics. Please do not become one of them.
Your parents are strict because you are so deeply loved. The three of you are allies here, all striving to build you into a strong, smart, healthy, wise, responsible adult. Stop running interference. Work with them.
(Harmony Square video)
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Question from Rachel
What should I do if my mom is moody? She gets mad easily and lectures me a lot. She also finds reasons to yell at me and she snaps back at me a lot.
Weezy
Make sure that you keep your tone calm and respectful, even when she is snapping at you. Do not escalate the tension by snapping back, stomping away, slamming a door, rolling your eyes or saying: OKAAAAAAAY! in a sassy tone.
A combustible recipe in the home of growing children is that just as a teenage girl is reaching adolescence, her mom may be going through menopause. This causes two moody people, who love each other, to become irritated with each other very easily.
You can decide to do your part to take the pressure down a notch by speaking to your mom as if she has just said something really pleasant to you, even when she has not. Guide the conversation toward civility. It is within your power to do that.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at news@noozhawk.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also co-hosts the podcast Media Path with Fritz Coleman, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.