Question from Amanda
How do I tell/hint to a guy that I like him? So, yeah, I’m in high school. I have a really big crush on a guy in one of my classes, and I want to either hint to him or flat out tell him that I like him. I feel like he might like me back, but I know the only true way to know is to tell him how I feel and see how he reacts.
What do I even say? I feel like coming right out and saying, “I have a crush on you,” may be a little too intimidating and scare him away or something? Help. What do I even say to him?
Weezy
If he revealed that he had a crush on you, would he scare you away? No, I think you would file that news under “Good!” So, if he likes you, he will welcome your saying that you have feelings for him.
But you don’t have to tap his shoulder, close your eyes and blurt out your entire truth. So much depends upon how well you know him. If he is not yet your friend, get to know him better. If he is a friend, you can compliment him, grab his arm when you laugh at his jokes, compliment him.
Say things like, “You are the cutest,” etc. Watch how he reacts. Are his eyes twinkling? Does he blush a little? Does he go out of his way to be near you?
You can ask him a sincere question about how he is feeling about something. See if he confides in you. Does he ask you a question about your life? Read the room. When it feels right say, “I think I may have a little crush on you. I hope that’s OK.”
(True Medallion video)
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Question from Penny
Today, I am worried about … not ever getting my crush. It frightens me that he thinks I’m creepy. I really don’t know how I can show him my feelings without him walking away. I feel left alone to rot with no one by my side. Should I change my personality or be myself? It’s just so depressing.
Weezy
You are a teenager so you get to be dramatic but let’s call “Scene!” on the self pity. It’s been given the name “crush” for a reason. Feeling this way is a universally crushing experience and the cold, harsh truth is that there is no way to make a person like you. All you can do is show him who you are and let him decide how he feels.
If you don’t know the kid, think of ways to get to know him better. A crush has the power to make you feel like you will never, ever love anybody like this again! (drama pause) The good but seemingly implausible news is that you will. This crush is proving to you just how deep your capacity to love can run.
A crush is like sending your heart to the gym. It’s a workout and it builds you up for a lifetime of knowing what it means and how it feels to love. It sure as heck gets your attention. And when you are in your 27th year of marriage and you have really just about had it with that guy and the stupid sounds he makes when he eats and his idiot poker buddies and the pipes he collects on eBay that have taken over your den, you will remember how much you once longed for him. That’s what real love really looks like. It’s got deep grooves and it requires gentle reminders.
This is a crush. It’s here to teach you.
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Question from Marlee
I am 13 and I haven’t kissed anyone yet. I’m scared.
Weezy
No matter what your friends are saying to you, there is no need to kiss anyone until you feel a connection strong enough to compel you to place your lips on top of somebody else’s lips. That is an extremely personal encounter. I sure was not ready to do that at 13. Some people don’t kiss until after college.
There is no correct timeline for this sort of intimacy. And doing it because others are pressuring you into it is the absolute worst reason to do it.
A kiss is not something you do or take. It is something you share. When you are really ready to kiss someone, the fear will be erased by excitement.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at news@noozhawk.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.