Question from Warner
I am in seventh grade and I have a huge crush on a girl. She is really nice and pretty. I’ve had my friends ask my crush if she likes me back, but my crush said no. I really want to be with her, but she doesn’t like me back.
What do I do?
Weezy
Before you move on you may want to ask her yourself. Seventh-graders often do not tell the truth about love when confronted by third parties.
I know this is a big ask because it’s so terrifying. It always has been.
Historical evidence reveals a time when handwritten ink was applied to paper, which was then passed through physical space. It was often placed in the pages of a book or pushed through a locker vent. The note would typically read, “Do you like me? Check yes or no.”
This type of practice confines the interaction between you and the object of your affection.
Via modern technology, you could text the question and say “reply Y for yes and N for no.” That would give you a definitive answer directly from the girl (while preparing you for how dentists confirm appointments).
If you learn that this girl is not interested in you romantically, then you do need to accept her answer and move on. It’s horrible. I’m not pretending it’s not. Everybody hates this, but clarity is your friend. It gives you the opportunity to mourn the loss of your dreams and get your heart ready for somebody who really does want to receive the love you have to offer.
(George Strait video)
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Question from Annabeth
Hi. I hope you remember me, the girl who was paired with a guy for a project back in high school years ago and keeps having dreams about him, but barely knows him.
Well, I sent him a friend request yesterday and immediately after sending the friend request, he accepted my friend request! But I feel bad for sending him that. I don’t know why. I should be happy that he accepted it.
Why do you think I feel this way? Like I feel like crying but I should be happy, which I am happy, but I feel unsatisfied. Please help.
Weezy
You have been thinking about this guy and building up to this moment for quite some time. You have agonized over the possible reactions it may trigger. Now, having clicked that friend request button you have launched various potential outcomes into possible motion, igniting an explosion of emotions.
Yes, you should be happy that he accepted your request, but you are also panicking over what this means and whether the next move is in your court. Let me help. The next move is in your court.
I say this because you have not simply broadened your social media circle with a new friend or with an old friend who has recently joined this particular network. You have a romantic agenda. You knocked on a door. He opened it. You do need to step through.
Keep in mind that this exploratory mission may not lead to romance. It may lead to a friendship or a casual acquaintance or something in between. We don’t know. But to find out, you must keep moving. Send him a DM that says, “Hey, it’s good to connect. I’ve been wondering how you have been doing.” That’s it. Just something simple like that.
I know that this is terrifying. But look how far you have already come! YOU set this ball in motion. YOU did something brave. You have every right to reach out to people. He was receptive. Keep going!
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Question from Kyle
Hey, so in the last post I said I was trying to get my friends to admit they like each other, but now the girl seems to not be interested in him and I’m kinda falling for her. So what do I do then?
Weezy
Well, that complicates things, all right. Stop trying to fix those two up and just be friendly to everyone for a little bit. If you are going to tell this girl that you have feelings for her, then you will first need to tell your friend about it. You know that he likes her. Of course the girl gets to decide who she likes.
Romance goes in two directions, but you do not want to lose a friend over a girl. See how your friend reacts to that news and then make your next move accordingly. You will need to consider what you are willing to sacrifice.
Pursing a romantic relationship with this girl may forever affect your friendship with this guy. If he won’t be able to remain in a friend circle while watching the two of you date, then the friendship may be at risk.
Once you have taken everything into consideration, you may decide that this girl has a right to know how you feel about her so that she can decide the best path for herself. For example, you could tell her how you feel but suggest that the two of you should wait a bit before dating since your friend will be hurt to see you and this girl going out so quickly after he expressed an interest in her to you. How the two of you proceed will affect all three of these relationships.
Bear in mind that romantic feelings are fluid. Take your time. Watch. Talk to the girl. Talk to your friend. Listen. Think. Wait. If your feelings are not shifting and you and this girl agree that you are made for each other, then your friend will need to accept that at some point.
Move forward with sensitivity. Also think about what would cause you the least amount of regret 10 years from now as you look back at it. Will you wish you had gone for it? Will you wish you had better preserved this friendship?
Of course, you can’t really know these answers. But thinking in this way can help you behave less impulsively and more thoughtfully. Whatever happens, you have every right to have these feelings. You just need to carefully consider what to do with them.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at news@noozhawk.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.