Like other grandparents who don’t live near their families, my husband and I literally have been watching our grandchildren grow up on Zoom and FaceTime for more than a year because of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The last time we saw our granddaughter Morgan, who turns 2 in May, she was an adorable but pretty helpless infant. Today, she is a walking, talking, curious toddler who calls out “Papa!” (my bearded husband’s grandpa handle) whenever she sees a man with a lot of facial hair appear on an iPhone screen.
When our granddaughter Kaia last visited Santa Barbara in June, she and I spent hours every day playing “Frozen” — each of us alternating in the roles of Anna or Elsa, depending on Kaia’s 4-year-old whim.
Now, living in Colorado with her parents and a slew of nearby extended family, Kaia attends “cousins school” (yes, it’s just what it sounds like); she is learning to read; and the other night she told me all about John Henry, an early labor-rights leader and American folk hero.
Although I’m guessing the missed birthday parties, holidays and other festive family occasions trouble me more than they do the kids, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, especially if you are a grandparent.
So, I have been wondering what other nanas and papas, abuelos and abuelas, zaydes and bubbes (or whatever the grandkids call you) have been doing to connect with those precious little ones when your only contact is on a device.
I’m happy to share some of the tricks I’ve had up my sleeve, and a few of my friends have kindly offered suggestions as well. Feel free to use whatever ideas might work for you. And, if you are so inclined, share a few of your own by emailing me at mheller@noozhawk.com.
A few months ago, I started doing “Cooking with Kaia” on FaceTime; sometimes her cousin Morgan joins in, too. We’ve made cookies, banana bread and all manner of smoothies together.
Our recipes are usually dictated by whatever ingredients we both have on hand, which can be a pretty narrow selection considering how infrequently we all go to the market these days. I have become a big fan of the cooking apps that offer ideas for ingredient substitutions. (Did you know that if a recipe calls for beer, you can substitute it with chicken broth?)
Kaia and I also play the card game Uno together. We each have our own Uno deck, and although hers is the Buzz Lightyear version, it doesn’t really matter. The last time we played, she beat me fair and square.
For Michele Bass of Santa Barbara, California’s COVID-19 stay-at-home order actually got her out of a potential family dilemma.
When Bass’ two youngest grandchildren were born 10 hours apart in different states (Idaho and Colorado), friends kept asking how she was going to be in two places at the same time to celebrate their birthdays.
Enter the lockdown — and problem solved. It actually is possible to attend two parties in two states on the same day — without the benefit of an airplane. It’s called Zoom.
“I see my family more frequently now than before the pandemic,” Bass said. “I see the little ones crawling, I see them taking their first steps.”
Using her iPhone as a modern magic carpet, Bass is transported virtually from Santa Barbara to Boise, Idaho, where she joins her daughter Leah and three grandchildren on outings to the park, on bike rides and soaring on swings at a neighborhood playground.
With her older grandchildren, Kimberly, 10, and Julie, 12, in Colorado, Bass plays a variety of card and board games, some of which work better than others on a virtual format. Yahtzee is good, Bass said — you just need dice and a scoreboard. Clue offered a little more of a challenge, but they figured it out.
With the girls in Zoom school, catching up with them at a mutually convenient time is the biggest obstacle. “It’s hard to plan around school,” Bass said. “A lot of it is random.”
On the other hand, for interacting virtually with the younger grandkids, that randomness is a bonus. Chatting with them at dinnertime, for example, Bass is injected into the family’s normal evening commotion, which makes her feel like she is right there at the table with them.
Jeanne Ullom, a violinist with the Santa Barbara Symphony for 50 years, connects with her grandson Maverick through their mutual love of music. While only 4, Maverick, who lives in Oregon, has shown a keen interest in classical music.
When Ullom was playing in a Santa Barbara Symphony concert in February, her daughter Melissa set up a “date” with son Maverick to watch Grandma via Zoom.
Melissa told Maverick they had to dress up for the virtual event, so he helped her pick out a long skirt and matching top, then selected a Western-style plaid cotton shirt and dark pants for himself.
Melissa prepared kid-friendly hors d’oeuvres that they nibbled on while listening to the concert and keeping a close eye out for Grandma Jeanne.
Molly Presser’s grandchildren Sia, 13, and brother, Micah, 11, took the initiative and created a website for their grandparents. They call it “Keeping It Real.”
“They send us a new video or two every week,” said Presser, who lives in Santa Barbara. “At first it was an account of what their day looked like in the pandemic. Then it became about their feelings, their walks or bike rides.
“They did experiments for us, talked about their gifts for their birthdays. Then they interviewed each one of us; and they played a different question-and-answer game to show our personality.”
Lately, Sia and Micah are teaching their grandparents to be even more tech savvy, showing them videos about computer sound effects and advertising tricks.
“We also play games with the whole family, cousins, aunts and uncles (wherever they are — Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Mexico) on the computer created by Jackbox,” Presser said. “We each answer on our own cellphone.”
Long-distance grandparenting is nothing new for Suzanne Levy of Orcutt, whose daughter’s job has taken her and her family out of the country for long periods of time.
“Naomi was selling subscriptions to magazines as a Girl Scout,” Levy said of her granddaughter, who is now 7. “I bought her a subscription to ‘Highlights,’ and I bought myself one. We read together.
“I’ve bought the same books for both of us to read together, too. I told her when to turn the page when she was younger.”
One of the more popular ways for grandparents to stay close is by telling the children bedtime stories. While I haven’t done much of that, my daughter Marisa recently texted me a video of Kaia “reading” a book she knows pretty much by heart.
Most nights, before turning out the light, I open that video on my phone and listen as Kaia reads Nana a bedtime story.
— Marcia Heller is a Noozhawk copy editor and occasional columnist. The opinions expressed are her own.