Dear Feelings Doctor: I recently had breast implants and my boyfriend loves them. So do I! My problem is that all of my girlfriends are a bit standoffish now that my breasts lead the way.

I went from a 34C to a DD, and they are beautiful. I get lots of attention — usually from men, and most of them are my girlfriends’ husbands. How can I keep my friendship with the women in my life the way it used to be? Thanks.

— Betsy Boob

Dear BB: Thanks for sharing, Betsy. You say that you are aware of your breasts leading the way. Well, here are some of the things that may also be changing in your life: the way you are perceived by others, and perhaps the energy that you now carry about who you are. This does not have to be a negative thing, but it is an issue that you will need to deal with.

Try having an open discussion with your girlfriends about what is going on, and if by chance you are overly friendly with “other women’s men,” you may need to step back a bit — literally.

This doesn’t mean you need to carry a dictionary with you all the time or a hardbound copy of War and Peace so people know that you have a brain, too. Just be aware that in our society breasts are a big part of why men are tempted to stare! It is also one of the first things that can be noticed from a distance. And let’s face it, from the time of the caveman, first impressions carry a lot of weight.

If you are wearing low cut, extremely revealing outfits and leading with your “girls,” rethink what kind of picture you want to paint here. You do not get a second chance to make a first impression!

Dear Feelings Doctor: I recently found several links to a mail order bride company in Russia on my husband’s computer. I am nervous about what I saw and don’t know how to approach him.

We have been having trouble and a lot of silence in our marriage lately, so he could be looking for other outlets of happiness and fulfillment that don’t include me. What should I do here?

— Angie

Dear Angie: When a couple have been in a relationship for a long time and their lives have become too predictable, it’s time to shake it up a bit! Remember when you two were dating? Just thinking about the beginning of your relationship and the excitement that went soaring through your bodies will stimulate and activate those neurons that perhaps have been dormant for a while.

I am not ignoring the issue of the “Russian bride” link on his computer, so here’s what may help: Have a candid, heart-to-heart discussion of where you both are in your relationship. Talk about the need for him to go outside your sacred connection to find excitement (if indeed that is what happened).

Next discuss the desire of wanting to create a new, stronger bond for the two of you in this present day and time. Talk about what that looks like for both of you, then do it! Take the time to cultivate those different feelings of expression that are there. Explore new places inside the sacred space of your relationship. Believe me, there is something “really special” about nurturing a connection that you have had for years and finding that special golden nugget that has been there all along.

Polish that nugget up, hold it where it can reflect the sunlight and you will be amazed at all the new facets it will bring to your lives.

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Imagine This …

What if we were capable of leaving something behind when we departed from this world? I mean really leaving something behind that is so grand others will be talking about it and sharing it for seasons and years to come.

We are you know, so let’s do it. Let’s leave a “Legacy of Love” for the world. Perhaps it could turn the tide and make that insurmountable change that we have all been dreaming and praying for.

I’ll start if you will! Actually, I’ll start even if you’re not quite ready yet.

“If you don’t build your dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.” — D ambani

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.