She: It’s finally happened. Beer is on the way out.

Z: Huh? We’re out of beer?

She: Nope. Beer is over with.

Z: I don’t know what that means.

She: First, wine has edged out beer as America’s favorite beverage.

Z: Who is this America of which you speak?

She: Favorite drink and most drunk. Just ‘cause you drink a lot of beer doesn’t mean everyone else does. Most grown-up people understand that beer is fattening.

Z: That’s dirty, stinkin’ propaganda. Beer is filled with vitamins and bubbly goodness. It’s one of my most essential nutrients. Kind of like you with chocolate.

She: It’s nothing like me with chocolate. You buy the exact same beer at Costco every single time. There’s no variety in your beer selection. No appreciation   for the subtle taste differences between a green wrapped miniature Hershey bar in December and a pink wrapped miniature Hershey bar in February.

Z: You’re saying your taste buds are better developed because you buy more chocolate every time they wrap it in different colored paper?

She: Yes. No. Maybe. That’s beside the point. I’m talking about beer. Not only are people drinking more wine than beer, but even college kids are saying, “move over, Bud.”

Z: I’m guessing that’s because they finally discovered that flavor is an exciting new aspect of beer.

She: But everything goes with Top Ramen.

Z: Then I blame it on Two Buck Chucks. When you’re a college-aged, goal-oriented drinker, price matters.

She: Nope, it’s because they’ve discovered iPods.

Z: That’s ridiculous. iPods taste awful.

She: They did a survey — in New Jersey, I think — and almost three-fourths of the college students polled said iPods were more “in” than drinking beer.

Z: How is that a comparison? It’s like saying I like sleeping better than I like the color orange. I like butter better than getting hit with a brick.

She: Are you saying that science is wrong? The iPods are more popular.

Z: Can you imagine that frat party? A bunch of college kids sipping wine and listening to their iPods.

She: I hear they’re remaking Animal House with those guys who do the Mac/PC commercials. The Mac guy stays plugged into his iPod and bobs his head, while the PC guy gets wrecked on a Cabernet Sauvignon and then feels bad for not recycling the bottle.

Z: It won’t last.

She: What do you mean?

Z: It’s the same old story. I remember back when phonographs dethroned beer, and then it was the Betamax. College students are fickle. But not beer; beer is eternal.

She: Actually, I think wine is more eternal.

Z: Eternaller.

She: There are all those biblical references and all that mythology, both Greek and Roman. You never hear about Zeus and Apollo busting open a keg.

Z: That’s a common mistranslation of the word “Ambrosia.” If you really study the word, you’ve got the “Amb” meaning Amber, and the “brosia” meaning brewski.

She: Thank you, Webster.

Z: I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough.

She: Oh, I do.

Z: It’s not that I have anything against wine. Wine is great if you like to pretend that there’s a huge difference between grapes.

She: That should make you lots of friends up in the North County.

Z: Have you ever seen anyone taste beer and then spit it out?

She: Not intentionally.

Z: I think that’s argument enough right there, but I won’t let it stop me from making some more. Beer is bubbly, and a fraction the price of Champagne. Beer is filling, so it can serve as an entire meal unto itself. And, most important, unlike an iPod, you usually don’t have to stick anything in your ears when you drink beer.

She: Yes, dear.

It’s your time to chime in: what would you rather have, wine, beer or an iPod? E-mail She & Z at leslie@lesliedinaberg.com.