With the race to always be better, to push and grind, to constantly make changes, just focus on business — you will be where you want to be.

Add in some social pressures, social media where “everyone is doing so well and is successful,” and then throw in aging, pandemics, and the unknown.

I am offering a newly reminded perspective and an exercise that is very valuable for those of any age.

This past weekend I attended a family funeral back east for our favorite uncle in Virginia. I am 47 and went with my brother, who is 44, and my parents, both now in their upper 70s.

This phase of our lives, for my brother and me, is right in the middle of it all, with work, kids, businesses, aging parents, etc. And my parents, both with successful careers behind them, attend funerals more frequently as friends and loved ones pass on.

At the funeral of our uncle, who passed away in his upper 80s, we were reminded of what is important at the end and why people remember you.

Our Uncle Wendell started and owned a multi-million dollar business; was super successful; and has now passed that business along to his son Mark. At the funeral, the whole company was there to show support, and family and friends from across the country and outside the U.S., attended. It was a fantastic celebration of life.

At the event, a couple of things stood out for me and my family, and I discussed it for the remainder of the trip.

First was that those things talked about at the funeral naturally included recognition of Wendell’s successes, but more so the people he and the business had helped over the 50-plus years the company has been in business.

One of the stories explained how Wendell and his wife went out to dinner almost every night because they did not like to cook. At each restaurant, they picked out a family, perhaps one that looked like they were celebrating something, or one that maybe appeared tired and overwhelmed, or just one with whom they felt a connection.

They would ask the waiter for that family’s bill and pay it, not asking to let them know who did this.

Amazing as this show of kindness is already, my favorite part was that sometimes Wendell and his wife had friends dining with them, or the recipients of his benevolence found out who paid their bill; and now, from time to time, those people will pick up the tab for strangers.

That is something I am looking to do as well. Its not about the recognition, in this day of posting every accolade or good deed on a social media platform. It’s about the thought and effort, and truly doing something out of the kindness of the heart.

The second thing was that everyone spoke about how Wendell would always make them laugh; that he always had a story, and he always made people feel special and gave them the time to be heard.

Again, it’s something that is often hard to find in this day of a million distractions, short attention spans, and desire for instant gratification.

It was a great reminder to me to slow down, spend time with people, talk, make eye contact, and don’t rush. Things will still be there.

Of course, Wendell had a knack for being memorable; some people have that in spades, and this was Wendell. Either way, you can always be more aware of really seeing people, and going beyond the surface in your day-to-day encounters. 

Lastly was that life is all about memories created, the things you do and experience, and the things those around you do. No one talked about wow, Wendell made this much money, he had this many followers, the company was this big, or anything material, for that matter.

Instead, they talked about the trips, the adventures, the stories, and what brought joy to Wendell and those around him.

I enjoyed an exercise they did at the funeral, and you can do this right now.

Take a moment and close your eyes (of course, after reading the rest of my column). Think of yourself at 95 years old. Family and friends surround you as you take your last few breaths.

What are the conversations you are talking about with your family, and what guidance would you give the younger generations ?

I always love being reminded of some basics and clarity on what matters most. I will leave you with a quote from Wendell.

“Every man (person) is the maker of his own fortune, and fortune comes in many ways.”

— Wendell P