She: Yawn.

Z: You tired?

She: Yep. I’m still recovering from the morning three weeks ago when Koss had to be at school at 5 a.m. to take the bus to the boat to go to camp.

Z: Yawn. Yeah, I’m kind of tired, too.

She: It’s not like you got up in the dark to take him to school.

Z: It’s this new bed.

She: Still not loving it?

Z: No. It just feels kind of hard.

She: We’re going to be those people, aren’t we?

Z: We’ve only returned one bed this month. It’s not like we’ve gone through the whole Costco bed menu.

She: Not yet.

Z: If I don’t like the third new bed we try then I’ll admit it: it might be me. I doubt it, but it might be.

She: You think?

Z: It’s not like you’re sleeping all that well.

She: True. I used to be such a night owl and loved sleeping in on weekends. Loved it. Truly, madly, deeply. I would have married sleeping in on weekends if it had asked me.

Z: Which still makes me burn with jealousy.

She: And now we have that stupid every Saturday at 8 a.m. soccer schedule. It’s killing me.

Z: I burst into tears when I saw that schedule.

She: I almost put Koss back into baseball.

Z: I was going to go all Kathy Bates on his ankles and hobble him.

She: Then I thought, maybe we could just increase our coffee consumption.

Z: Seriously, what kind of AYSO karma do we have that our one late game is at 9:30 a.m.?

She: Just a few years ago even 9:30 in the morning on a Saturday would have been unthinkable.

Z: We were the masters of the late hotel checkout.

She: What did we used to do till noon?

Z: Sleep. I’m more confused by what it is we used to do till 2 a.m.

She: Watch Letterman?

Z: But that ends at 12:30.

She: Conan?

Z: I think this whole old people sleeping schedule really started with DirecTV and the DVR. Isn’t technology supposed to improve your life?

She: I can see our future clearly. We’ll get the Early Bird Special at the Pepper Tree for dinner, watch The Daily Show and Colbert, and still be in bed before the clock strikes 9.

Z: That is so sexy.

She: That way we can jump out of bed at 6, put on our track suits and take a morning constitutional around La Cumbre Plaza.

Z: Stop with the sexy. You’re making me crazy.

She: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a track suit.

Z: And you never will. Too sexy. Besides, I hate going to bed early almost as much as I hate waking up early.

She: Santa Barbara is a daylight-hour kind of place, though.

Z: I bike, I swim, we go to the beach. I’m good with the amount of daylight we get.

She: Me, too. I love those people who justify how great it is to have the whole day free after your 8 a.m. soccer game.

Z: What eight-hour event did we have planned on a Saturday that a soccer game was going to interrupt?

She: Bed shopping? Speaking of which, I could really use a nap.

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your sleeping secrets with She and Z by e-mailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com.