How often do you say to yourself, “I just can’t wait until … ?” Sometimes wishful thinking is the ticket if you can’t wait to get out of the doctor’s office, but you might miss out on some special little moments if you are constantly fast-forwarding to your baby’s next big milestone.
Recently, I had the opportunity to be a guest pediatrician at a Cottage Hospital prenatal class, and I was asked about what advice I might give to soon-to-be parents. Instead of running through some generic parenting advice, I decided to start a conversation about being mindful of milestones and taking the time to enjoy each stage of your child’s development.
Enjoy Each Stage
When that new baby arrives, every new parent goes into survival mode. We immediately search for the chance to sleep, find a bite to eat and, heaven forbid, take a shower! Our instincts are to start looking forward to the next stage, like when your baby starts sleeping through the night. Those instincts are right on. Good sleep is good for the whole family!
But if you know that you are going to be handling the middle-of-the-night shift, make the most of it and stop to enjoy those cute little fingers and toes. It just takes a moment and might just turn a stressful time into a happy memory. Besides, those sweet-smelling baby toes just grow so fast that before you know it they are men’s size 11 and they really stink.
Photographic Memory
With smartphones, we can (and should) capture as many photos and videos as possible. You will treasure them forever. But don’t forget to also take some mental pictures along the way. Sometimes having the camera (phone) in hand can interfere with your ability to fully be present in the moment. Think about setting the phone aside, getting down on the ground and crawling around with your baby before he starts to walk.
I try to take many photos of my boys playing together, but the snapshot rarely looks as good (even with a fancy filter) compared to when I actually stop what I am doing and watch with my eyes.
Get Involved and Create Time to Be Present
One of the ways I have protected time to spend with my boys is to coach their sports teams. I borrowed this strategy from my own dad, who coached all three of his kids’ teams when we were young.
At first I was really nervous, but after coaching a few teams it became a winning strategy. Not only did I get to spend more time with my boys, but it gave me a chance to really get to know my kids’ friends and their families.
The player-coach bond is very special and similar to the doctor-patient relationship that I went to medical school to master. It’s always sweet to hear one of my patients say “Hi, Dr. B” when they recognize me outside of the office, but I get an endorphin rush when one of my players chases me down the aisle at Costco, yelling “Hi, Coach!” and jumps up to give me a high-five.
If coaching isn’t your thing or if your kids aren’t into sports, then do everything in your power to get to their activities, school assemblies, music recitals or dance performances. You will be so glad to have the memory of being in attendance, and I promise you that they will remember that you were there to support them.
Protect More Family Time
These days, it is so easy to fill up your weekends. If you are not careful, you can find yourself part of several travel teams and spending every weekend traveling out of Santa Barbara to a place with 100-degree temps and bumper-to-bumper traffic.
My wife’s advice (and I now agree with her) is to strike a healthy balance. Don’t let every weekend and school vacation get hijacked by kids’ activities. Take control of some of your weekends and plan some fun family experiences.
We are lucky to live in a year-round, world-class destination with endless surf, sand and gorgeous hikes. Seek out a new beach. Scamper on some rocks at Lizard’s Mouth or go hike Jesusita. Grab some ice cream on the other side of town. Be deliberate and enjoy your family time together.
It Just Takes a Moment to Be Mindful
Being mindful can be as easy as stopping, taking a deep breath and really looking at the things around you. Try to really feel that physical sensation deep down inside when your son takes a bow at the end of his show or gets a hit in his Little League game. Then take the time to reflect back and smile about those moments from time to time.
Don’t feel bad if you find yourself looking forward to your baby’s next milestone. It’s normal to look forward to tomorrow, but don’t forget to make the time to be mindful and appreciate what you have going on today.
— Dr. Dan Brennan is a board-certified pediatrician at Sansum Clinic who wishes he had a pause button while he watches his three boys grow up too fast. He can be contacted at drb@sbpediatrics.com or 805.563.6211, or click here for more information about Santa Barbara Pediatrics. The opinions expressed are his own.
