Not What Jesus Would Do
Failing to stop at a stop sign, an 18-year-old driver on Via Real in Carpinteria was pulled over for questioning.
With a smell of alcohol on his breath and red wine stains on his shirt, the young man was detained for further investigation.
Determined to be under the influence of alcohol, the subject was arrested on suspicion of driving while intoxicated.
In an effort to reason with deputies after his arrest, he stated, “It’s OK, because Jesus drank wine.”
And wine, he added, “is medicinal.”
Have You Had Your Happy Pill Today?
Smiling and skipping around after ramming her car into a tree, the “happy” driver was asked if she was under the influence of anything.
The only thing she’d ingested, she reassured deputies, was the high-energy vitamin supplement Uptime.
It was just before 10 p.m., Nov. 5, when law enforcement met with the uninjured woman at the 8th Street crash site in Carpinteria.
After failing the seven-step drug abuse recognition test, the woman, 31, was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of a central nervous stimulant.
During her booking, the female additionally tested “presumptive positive” for amphetamine and methamphetamine use.
While she was not injured in the crash, she did say she “felt sorry for the tree.”
Kicked to the Curb
Fully clothed and tucked into bed was how deputies responding to an illegal residential entry found the subject.
A concerned neighbor contacted authorities, Nov. 5, after spotting a male hoisting a female through a window at a vacated Carpinteria home.
Securing the perimeter of the Sandyland Road home at 6:15 a.m., deputies entered to find the female suspect, a day before her 29th birthday, faking sleep.
During questioning, the woman said she had permission to be in the home.
Unable to reach the rightful owner by phone, authorities could not confirm the story, and the woman was asked to leave.
The male counterpart, who’d given the subject the boost through the window, had already left the area by the time law enforcement arrived on the scene.
Coming Home for the Holidays
A sister living in Idaho is accused of making “unlawful use of the telephone” after making numerous threatening, unsettling calls to her sister who lives locally.
In a recently saved message, the sister states she could not wait to see the victim “in the flesh” and “face-to-face” over Thanksgiving.
Although authorities told the suspect charges were filed against her, the Idaho resident said she “did not care” and would continue harassing her sister by phone.
Out for Some Air?
Standing on the roadside in the Sycamore Canyon and Cold Springs roads area at noon, deputies were alerted to a man waving his penis at passing drivers on Nov. 9.
The suspect, who was “wearing green” and holding a leaf blower, is wanted for indecent exposure.
Headin’ out West
While patrolling the Santa Claus beach area, a deputy spotted a man sleeping inside his vehicle.
Upon waking the subject, the deputy detected the distinctive scent of marijuana smoke when the man rolled down his window.
The resident of Japan said he hadn’t smoked marijuana “since leaving San Francisco earlier.”
Regardless, the odor gave the deputy cause to search the vehicle, uncovering marijuana and Psilocybin mushrooms.
The English-speaking suspect was arrested on suspicion of possession of a controlled substance.
I’ll Skip the Special Delivery Next Time
A Canalino Drive resident was sitting inside his home at 8:20 p.m., Nov. 10, when he heard a loud explosion.
Investigating the sound, the victim opened his front door to find his mailbox in pieces.
The unknown vandals caused $40 in damages.
Vandal With a Conscience
Acting on a tip from a citizen who’d seen two vandals in her Carpinteria neighborhood, a deputy quietly approached the suspects as they sprayed a parked car with blue paint.
Startling the duo at 2 a.m., Nov. 10, one vandal took off on foot while the other was apprehended at gunpoint.
After arresting the detained blue-handed vandal, the deputy photographed other property presumably damaged by the young men, including additional cars, signs, buildings and the sidewalk.
In some areas, it was noted in the report, the paint was still wet.
Days following the first arrest, the second vandal, who’d originally fled the scene, entered the Sheriff’s Department taking responsibility for his share of damages.
He too was arrested and transported to jail.