Z: I’ve decided that ordering coffee for your wife at Starbucks
She: Master of logic strikes again.
She: You’re so evolved.
Z: But ordering coffee for you at Starbucks? I’ve never felt more emasculated.
She: You used to do a drag show.
Z: Totally different. I look good in fishnets. But when I bought coffee for you on Mother’s Day, nobody knew that it wasn’t for me — they all assumed that I was the guy who wanted the Venti Single-Shot Nonfat Latte with Three Equals. Like I’m the guy who chooses to drink that.
She: You still remember my order?
Z: Burned into the space I once used for calculus. I even remember your old order, which was a Grande Nonfat Sugar-Free Vanilla Decaf Latte with Two Equals. Honestly, I feel like I grew breasts just typing that into the computer.
She: You realize that you can’t claim ineptitude as a reason for not getting me coffee now?
Z: That was a Mother’s Day special event. One day a year only.
She: But you ordered so well.
She: Please. I see just as many guys in Starbucks as I do women. It’s not like they’re all getting black coffee and chasing it down with a beer.
Z: I don’t even like saying the words, “Venti” and “Grande.” Sign me up for girl’s school.
She: And yet, you have no problem ordering the fruity-frilly drink at a craps table.
She: Why can’t a latte be manly ironic?
Z: Because I don’t like lattes, and I do like fruity-frilly drinks. Duh.
Z: If you wanted to marry a woman, it’s legal now.
She: I sometimes call myself Fifi when I order there. You can make up a different name if it makes you feel more macho.
Z: That might be fun. I’ll go with Fifi, too. Then the other guys will think I’m totally cool.
She: I’m not sure you’re perfectly zeroed in on the whole “cool” thing.
Z: Correction: … the “cool” thing, Fifi.
She: My birthday’s coming up soon-ish. It’ll be hot then, so I’ll need to change my order.
Z: No, stop!
She: I’ll have a Doubleshot on Ice Energy Beverage with Extra Guarana, Ginseng and Two Equals.
Z: There goes algebra.
She: On second thought, can you make that blended?
Z: Yes, dear.
Place your order with She and Z at firstname.lastname@example.org.