“I am a victim of homelessness,” she declared. Adding, “I just need to get ahead and get a house.”

After confirming with the property owner that the female was, in fact, a squatter and an uninvited guest, she was arrested on a charge of trespassing.

Meat Market

Goleta – A woman shopping in the meat department of a Hollister Avenue grocery store was caught off-guard Tuesday afternoon when approached by an unknown male. Asking the woman if she wanted “to have sex,” the man, who appeared to be in his 20s or 30s, pulled back is jacket exposing his erect penis.

Dropping her grocery items to the floor, the woman quickly left the isle while the flasher left the store undetected. The woman told authorities, if located, she’d certainly be able to identify the man.

Student Forced to Use Common Sense

Isla Vista — An Isla Vista resident, 23, will need to use common sense next time he gets behind the wheel of his car.

If he’s been drinking, he’ll be unable to use his digital alcohol detector, the AlcoHAWK, a gadget he would typically use to determine if he’d had one too many.

Valuable Lesson

Goleta — More than $6,000 worth of tools stolen from a storage space in the 7400 block of Cathedral Oaks during a torrential rainstorm two months ago left investigators hard-pressed to find any clues left behind by the suspect.

The victim, the owner of a tree service, told authorities he regularly leaves the storage site unattended and unlocked and, up until the late January burglary, has never experienced any problems.

Use Words, Not Weapons

Santa Barbara — A 10-inch hunting knife and a 17-inch metal pipe were among the items uncovered in a vehicle search on Saturday. The driver submitted to the search after officers found him loitering along the 1200 block of San Pascual Street, an area police said wsknown for gang activity.

When probed about the could-be weapons, the driver told officers he keeps them in his car for protection because, he said, he “always has problems with someone.”
He was arrested and charged for possession of a concealed weapon.

Mean and Messy

Santa Barbara — A cleaning crew at a Victoria Street theater will need to repaint the walls of the men’s rest room after vandals made a huge mess. In addition to covering the walls with graffiti, the suspects expelled a fire extinguisher damaging the paint.

Doctor’s Office Ransacked

Santa Barbara — A local doctor returned to his Mission Street office to find it ransacked and over $1200 in office supplies missing. Ink pens and high lighter markers, as well as a cash box and business checks, were taken in the weekend break-in.

The burglar gained access to the building by forcing his way through the front door, police said. The door will cost around $300 to replace.

Somebody for Mom to Meet

Santa Barbara — As officers outside a Santa Barbara pub separated two men engaged in a physical confrontation, a female bystander, in an attempt to protect her boyfriend, intervened.

Claiming the aggravated combatant was her boyfriend, she demanded the officers “back away” from the brawl. The woman, who’d become increasingly abusive toward law enforcement during the 2 a.m. scuffle, was eventually arrested and placed in the back seat of the patrol vehicle where she continued her outburst by kicking at the windows and doors.

Dress for Less

Santa Barbara — Behaving suspiciously, a young man at a downtown retail store caught the attention of a loss prevention agent. Carefully observing the man from a distance, the agent watched as the suspect cut security tags off the clothing concealing the items under his own clothes.

Apprehending the thief, the subject relinquished the stolen merchandise totaling over $500 to the agent. After recovering the leather jacket, dress shirt and jeans, a police officer was called to the scene to continue processing the man. A search of the man’s pockets revealed marijuana and Ecstasy, the stimulant and hallucinogenic drug.

When questioned about the theft, he responded, “I just wanted the items and thought they were too expensive to pay for.”
He was arrested on suspicion of grand theft.

Blackmail in Cyberspace?

Goleta — disgruntled former employee of a Hollister Avenue car dealership is accused of blocking his former employer’s Web sites. In the report, the victim accuses the suspect of “blocking” the sites and then asking for $2,000 to unblock them.
The situation was filed as a suspicious circumstance.