When I teach the basics of counseling to pastors, I note that there are two general types of abuse: Acute and Chronic.
To explain the difference, I will have a person place their hand on the table and I will make a knuckle of one finger and tap their hand lightly. As I continue to do so I will say, “that doesn’t hurt, does it?” Nodding in agreement, they acknowledge that each of my taps are not individually painful.
But then I ask, “What if I tapped you for the entire day we’re here in the class?” They will then have a rather anxious look to which I will say, “And what if someone did so for 15 years of your childhood?”
When the awareness sinks in that some traumas cause damage not because of any single incident but rather due to their repetition, they understand that is Chronic Abuse.
I then say: “But imagine instead that I bring out a baseball bat and with a hard swing hit your hand?” That, I explain, is Acute Abuse.
Therapists define Acute Abuse as “a single incident that occurs in life.” It is not a minor injury like the tap of my knuckle, but an abuse of such force that the person can remember it clearly: who did it, when it occurred, what they were doing when it happened, and other emotion-filled memories.
These are, of course, traumas that require the healing of a skilled doctor and a therapist to restore health to both body and soul. This healing is assisted by the clear understanding by both the abuser and the person receiving the abuse that the action is harmful.
But what makes Chronic Abuse so difficult to heal and therefore its impact more pervasive throughout a person’s life is that its damage is not a specific injury to body but a repeated injury to soul. As “repetitive abuse occurring over an extended period of time,” the injuries of Chronic Abuse may seem slight and almost insignificant.
Often the individual transgressions themselves are not remembered and, if they are, the abuser often does not take responsibility for the pain they cause. When confronted, the Chronic Abuser may react by questioning the memory or even emotional or mental health of the one they abused since they themselves have no memory of such behavior, and seldom own that it is abusive or accept the implication that they are an abusive person.
Healing Chronic Abuse is therefore more difficult to both identify and find the support needed to bring an end to the abuse and experience healing.
In the last few decades of the 20th century, this understanding of the impact of Chronic Abuse was used by psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce at Harvard to coin a new application of such abuse when a dominant culture’s repetitive injuries are inflicted upon a marginalized one.
Working with African-Americans, he began to see a pattern of seemingly microscopic insults and dismissals that nonblack Americans were inflicting upon their black neighbors and fellow citizens. He called such abuse “microaggressions.”
Working its way into our dictionaries, Microaggression is defined as “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group.”
Since that time, much work has been done to understand the nature of this abuse and the impact it has on the lives of the marginalized people in any society. Today we recognize that there are three primary types of Chronic Abuse in the form of Microaggressions: Microinsult, Microassault and Microinvalidation. This chart provides a graphic explanation:
Further examples of these types of chronic abuse are listed at the end as published in the American Psychologist.
The reality that a dominant culture insults, assaults and invalidates those of other groups is revealed not only in our national culture but also in our Christian culture. The destruction done by men to women through subtly abusive behaviors cannot be underestimated.
One can only imagine what the church would be like if we had returned to the equality of Eden before the Fall. Similarly, if Chronic Abuse of those who are of a different racial background or socio-economic group or educational level had not permeated the church and Christian schools, how much more reflective of Christ’s Kingdom they would be.
My own Free Methodist tradition was shaped by the early wisdom of our founder, B.T. Roberts, who worked to end this kind of abuse long before we had the language of a microaggression.
As an abolitionist, he fought to bring equality between the races and end slavery. He wrote and championed equality between the genders within the church wanting to ordain women. He tried to end the practice of renting pews, which shamed the poor by forcing them to sit on the “free pews” in the back of the sanctuary.
And finally, he instituted equality of clergy and laity such that education did not set some over others but both equally lead the church.
But though this is in our DNA as FM Christians, the truth is that sin permeates all hearts and “the other” is often the target of both Acute and Chronic abuses.
The scholars are noting that as racism and sexism are being driven below the surface by society correctly describing them as improper behavior, the abuse now becomes subtle and often unrecognized. The systems of ordination, hiring, tenure, advancement, board membership and positions of leadership reveal that this subterranean sin continues to limit what God has intended for His people.
The solutions attempted often have the effect of causing more distance and disunity. Conversations about micro-aggression that are intended to inform or confront the other can quickly become adversarial.
Shame and guilt arising from being confronted about a micro-aggression often elicits defensiveness and counter-accusation. Counselors have uncovered the truth that when a person is shamed or made to feel guilty, rather than having the opportunity to see the truth in love, such shame and guilt actually work against both individual and organizational change.
The power of love, which cares for both the individuals and the organization, is the necessary ingredient for true change, both within ourselves and between us. Our commitment to healthy relationships encourages safe interactions in which unintentional abuse can be explored with loving vulnerability.
We must not damage one another and our organizations through cycles of accusation and defensiveness. Instead, we follow the guidance of Scripture as we “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3).
Similarly, persons who are recipients of Chronic Abuse benefit from having wise counsel that explores how to lovingly express their pain in healthy relationships as well as how to protect their own souls as they “forgive those who sin against us.”
By coming alongside one another, those who experience Chronic Abuse, can provide wise counsel, ongoing mentoring and opportunities for healthy forgiveness, which is the very definition of healthy community.
The true solution follows the biblical guidance for all sin. Individually and as churches and Christian schools, we provide opportunities for God to do His work.
This usually involves four steps:
» Confession
» Asking for forgiveness
» Being cleansed by God
» Turning away or repenting from such behaviors
Christians confess, or in simple terms, “say the truth.” Confession requires us to no longer hide from the reality of our microaggressions or our biased systems but to say the truth in love.
Confession also requires us to say the truth when another is being insulted, assaulted or invalidated, however small or “micro” it might appear to be.
The person whose toe is stepped on is truly crying out in pain. Such pain is our pain as we suffer with those who suffer. Truth that is confessed is supported by all for the healing of the relationship.
Forgiveness is love in relationship. It is needed to be given whenever pain has been experienced.
We also seek the forgiveness from God for our churches and schools not bringing His kingdom to earth as it is in heaven. We seek forgiveness for the sins we have committed, however small they may seem to us, and also for the sins of omission where we did not stand up and do what God calls us to do.
When we are in the presence of a microaggression, it is a sin to not stand in the gap and sacrifice ourselves and our “place” to ensure that the soul of another stops being injured. When we are part of an organization that, by its results, is not bringing equality at all levels of leadership, then it is a sin to not use our influence, vote and sacrifice to train and make a place for these whom God has also gifted to lead, teach and serve.
Cleansing from our sinfulness in this lifelong process of becoming Christ-like is accomplished as we also diligently repent and turn from abusive behaviors to loving ones. We commit to turn from this sin ourselves and in love bring accountability in order to maintain the unity of healthy community.
In the real world of church life and Christian schools, the presence of sin should not be surprising. That persons who are not the brunt of abuse would fail to recognize behaviors that wound others is understandable.
But it is damaging to ignore it. It is also damaging to confront it in ways that speak of justice without love or of change without wisdom. Love for the church and the school as instruments of God is a mutual responsibility. All of us must be vulnerable and teachable.
In my own pastoral life, I can think back of many moments where I participated in teachable moments. When I was superintendent, I had chosen an extremely qualified woman elder to join my regional leaders team.
After the first time meeting with us, she gently explained to me that our male humor left her out. The same information came from a regional leader of another culture who often identified my presumptions and assumptions that were not based on love but distance. Over the years I learned to sit at the feet of these and many others who honored me by sharing their pain.
Similarly, I’ve watched as church and Christian schools reflect the power and prejudice of our fallen world. From electing leaders like ourselves, to private denigration and complaining against women and people of color we often focus on their differences in ministry and communication.
We need to continually evaluate systems of governance, ordination, appointment, tenure, board representation and leadership by their results.
Dominant-race males, must, for their sake as well as the kingdom’s sake, be only one voice among equally empowered women and people of color who represent the future of the church. To accomplish this, we need to think clearly how we chose leadership.
I experienced this in our own FMC General Conference when a woman nominated for bishop responded after I said I was going to vote for her, “Only if you think I am the best candidate!” To which I responded, “We have a committee of lay and clergy leaders who spent hundreds of hours interviewing and analyzing and deciding who is ‘best.’ Therefore, all five nominations for bishop are each one capable and gifted leaders.”
So now the question is, how do we get all the perspectives at the table of leadership? If we only see the world from one perspective, then we will miss those who come from the great variety of human beings.
The power of God to restore us to the kingdom of His people is dependent on Christians living with a daily diligence that identifies and ends chronically abusive microaggressions. If we do not, then we will continue to experience deep, daily injury to our souls.
— Denny Wayman is the retired pastor of Free Methodist Church of Santa Barbara, lead superintendent of Free Methodist Church in Southern California and holds a doctorate in pastoral counseling. The opinions expressed are his own.