Question from Sam
What kind of girls like shy guys like me?
Weezy
Any girl could like you. There is no predicting who will like who. We talked about your question on this week’s Journals Out Loud:
(Journals Network video)
And what we decided is that shyness is really a temporary condition. Once people get to know you and you feel more comfortable, the rest of your personality will reveal itself. You will naturally worry about how you are initially perceived, but the true you will surface with some conversation.
To encourage that to happen, you do need to push past fear and offer a smile or a laugh when someone says something funny. Add a little bit of eye contact and a nod of appreciation when you feel a connection with somebody’s comment.
Other people are scared, too. They just may not reveal their fears through shyness. They may come off as bold or silly, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t nervous. So focus on making others feel comfortable. ANY girl may like you.
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Question from Eric
My girlfriend was just recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I’ve been looking up ways to kind of help and hopefully understand it a little more. I’ve found some really helpful things, but I was wondering if you had any suggestions? Or if there’s anywhere I can talk to either others who have BPD, or those who have loved ones with BPD, about how to deal with this recent news?
Weezy
I really do not know a lot about this, but from what I understand it is a difficult diagnosis to receive. People with this disorder can be very unhappy and difficult to please and understand. Dating someone with BPD will be a bumpy ride. Click here for more information.
That’s the bad news. The good new is that the more we know the better we can help. If your girlfriend is being diagnosed at a young age, and if she really wants to get better, that will make a huge difference.
Know that mood swings can be triggered by insecurity and that people with BPD are often very bright and prone to taking what you say and using it against you. So, if an argument is intensifying, just say, “I think we should talk about this later,” and exit the room. Escalating a disagreement may just be feeding the disease.
With your girlfriend’s permission, speak with her therapist about how you can be a part of her solution.
Click here for a link that may help you.
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Question from Annie
How do I accept myself being gay? I’m a girl who really wants to be proud of who I am, but I’ve been struggling with this for almost three years.
I have absolutely no problem with gay people or anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, so it’s not that I don’t want to be. I think it’s great! But for some reason, self acceptance is such an issue for me.
Frankly, I’m not even really sure why I’m having trouble. I think it could be that I’m just not comfortable or I feel like I won’t be accepted. It also could be that I’m afraid of what people will say and of being different.
I’m only gonna be a sophomore and I want to have the experiences of being with guys like my friends even if I’m not really that attracted to them. I know it sounds weird, but I just want to feel like I fit in and be like everyone else.
Also, I just recently finally figured out that I am in fact gay and, I don’t know, I guess it’s just a little shocking to me maybe? But I would just really REALLY appreciate some advice so I can start living my life and being happy with myself 🙂
Weezy
Accepting yourself can be especially hard if there is something about you that could be judged by society as “different.” But there are just so many ways to be different. You can have red hair or be left-handed or not like sports or be really tall or hate chocolate. This is an endless list so I will stop typing because I believe you get the idea.
To me, sexual preference is like any other inclination. Do you prefer blue or green? Why? It can’t be explained and it should not have to be.
Don’t date people just to somehow fit in. That is using someone. It’s another person. He may fall in love with you and get very hurt. Can we please put the days of anyone pretending to be straight behind us? That causes so much collateral damage.
It is completely natural for you to be romantically and sexually attracted to any age-appropriate person. You can even have a crush on an older person. You just can’t act on it. That’s it. Those are the requirements.
People have kept their private longings stuffed deep inside themselves for far too long.You are the generation that is finally breaking free of that repression. Be proud and go be yourself.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at news@noozhawk.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.